“Live It Like a Song”

February 15, 2016 Pamela Stephens

I have been trying really hard lately to figure it all out. I just want to know certain things. What is the right thing? What is the thing I was made to do? Who do I want to be or become? I want to have it all nailed down and to know what is going to happen next or even just if I’m where I’m supposed to be currently. I can’t shake my own restlessness and I just can’t seem to find peace in my story.

I listened to Jon Foreman’s TEDx talk recently. Jon is my favorite writer and one of my favorite musicians. He’s basically just an incredible human being. Jon spoke on what it means to “live your song” and how you can do that. He suggests that inside each of us is a song and we can offer that to the world. A lot of times we wonder if our song matters. In the big picture of life, next to all of the war, hate, divorce, etc. does our song matter? . . . It does. It has power and it matters, he says. There is an empty space in the rhythm of life without your song. But that’s not even my favorite part.

Towards the end, Jon starts talking about how we have to have the ability to forgive ourselves for the wrong notes. We are going to mess up in life, we are going to play the wrong note. The act of living is messy, imperfect, and awkward at times, but we have to give ourselves grace, as we also have to show grace to those who “wrong note against us”, he says (I chuckled a lot at that line). He moves on to say that as a musician, you find yourselves making music with the tension. There is tension in the strings of a guitar, but it can make a beautiful melody. We live in the tension. We live in the struggle (amen, Jon!). We have the ability to make music with the tension in our lives, though. We can create a beautiful melody with the struggle, the pain, the hurt, the anger, etc.. I processed that thought for days after hearing his talk. I feel the tension in my life, most certainly. What if instead of trying to relieve the tension though, I made a melody out of it? What if I worked within the tension instead of trying to get out of it? Mind blown.

I was so pumped because Jon kept commanding: “Be brave. Be brave with your song.” Brave was my word for 2015. I wanted so badly to be brave, something I didn’t think I had in me. Looking back I see the bravery in that year. I see it in small acts like embracing silence and acknowledging my own feelings. I see it in the really big moments like resigning from my first big girl job and completing my first Tough Mudder. Even though this is a new year and I have a new word, I think I’m going to hold onto brave. Probably forever. It’s one of my favorite words and it’s what we all need to be, with our lives and our songs. Sure, that can be scary. What if we mess up? What if it doesn’t sound as good as someone else’s? What if we fail? All of those are valid questions and the fear is valid, yet we must play anyway. We must live anyways. Be brave.

I don’t know what it looks like necessarily to “live my song”. I think maybe it looks a little something like being myself . Maybe accepting the things I can offer to the world, my gifts if you will, and using them to make the world a better place. Focusing on the things I do have to offer instead of focusing on the things I don’t might be a good start. Living in love would be a good next step for me. Just being loving and showing others that they are loved. Then, I think it’s just being free in knowing who I am and who I am not. My word for this year is become. I want to become myself and stop trying to be anybody who is not me. God did not make two of me, nor did He make me in anyone else’s image except His own, so trying to be like anyone else is a terrible plan. I love running. I love writing. I love Jesus, chocolate, fish, tacos, tattoos, Duke basketball, large bodies of water, any kind of music and dolphins. I love to dance but I’m not very good at it. I laugh at everything. I’m clumsy. I’m smart and yet sometimes I lack common sense (ironing clothes for instance…). It’s all part of my song. It’s what makes me, well me. These things, they make up who I am and they contribute to the song I make out of my life, a song that’s all my own.

I hope that you will be brave with your song. I hope you will let yourself live your song and know that it matters. You don’t have to have it all figured out, neither do I, but maybe if we just keep playing our melody each day, letting our song set the tone, it will lead us right to where we belong.

“On that final day I die

I want to hold my head up high

I want to tell you that I’ve tried

To live it like a song”

-Jon Foreman

Be brave with your song.

guest post by Ashlee Matthews from lovepeoplewell.com

Creativity: Why We’re All Creative

February 11, 2016 Pamela Stephens

This post is for my “non-creative” friends. I’m currently reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, and it’s so inspiring! If I had to sum up what I’ve read so far it would be, “get over yourself and go make something.” That’s probably just the message that I need to receive. It’s probably completely different from what others are taking away.

Nonetheless, as I read this book I’m realizing that creativity is so subjective. Not only is it subjective, it also varies with great intensity. So often I’ve been told, “you’re so creative,” followed by “I’m just not that creative.” I have always been flattered by that compliment, yet I’ve also always been taken back by it. I don’t consider myself to be “creative” in the sense that the word is always used, and I’ve never liked how the term separates people, firmly on one side or another – creative or not creative. While flattering, I’ve always felt that this compliment put a divide between me and the one speaking it.

As I read through Gilbert’s thoughts on creativity, I realize that we’re all creative. If you’re shaking your head in dismissal, keep reading. The thing about creativity is, it’s not some God-given right of passage that a lucky few are bequeathed. Instead, I think it’s a learned skill and a mindset. Bear with me here.

Sometimes we tend to group people into categories based on our limited information. However, I don’t think we can label someone as creative or not creative. Instead, I think creativity is about trying something. It’s about making something. And most importantly, it doesn’t matter if it’s “good” or “bad.” You see, sometimes we determine someone’s talents based upon how the masses react to their work. That’s insanely incorrect. Our job – all of us – is to create things based on our abilities and put it out there in the world. Some things will be revered by many and some will go unnoticed. The level of fame achieved by our work is not what determines its importance.

Furthermore, creativity isn’t just making world-renowned paintings. It’s not sewing a perfect stitch or designing a beautiful room. Instead, creativity is about making shit happen. All sorts of shit, actually. We mistakenly assume that creativity lies solely in the arts, and therefore if we aren’t master painters, then in turn we’re not creative. I must call bullshit here. Someone’s creativity might be communicated through painting. Yours might be in how you parent. It might be in how you dress. It might be in how you prepare tasty, low calorie desserts. It might be in how you rigged that shower head to not whistle anymore under pressure. Creativity can be anything! It’s a lifestyle and it’s something we all have access to.

On the flip side, I don’t think that we all exemplify creativity in our daily lives. For those of us who attempt artistic tasks, our creativity is a little more noticeable. However, just like any other skill, creativity must be practiced. We must train our minds to pay attention to our creative ideas and most importantly, we must continue to practice when our first creative attempts are a flop. Not everything we do will develop as we saw it in our heads. Not everything will cause you to walk away proudly. The trick here is to keep using your creativity anyway. Statistics say that you have to get it right eventually! The more we practice, the better we’ll become.

For me personally, my creativity is less about making wonderful works of art and more about just doing things. I just put words on paper (or a screen, rather). I sometimes throw paint on a canvas or draw things. More importantly though, I stack things together until they make sense to me. I just do things. I figure out ways to make things happen. If I need to reach a top shelf, I find some stuff to stand on. If I need to get 12 things done when there’s only time for 8, I find a way to make the remaining 4 things happen. I am proud to say that my creativity is less about my artistic endeavors and more about how I live my daily life. Creativity is not a room in which we can put the painters and crafters and designers. Creativity is a way of living life. It’s a way to make magical things happen, both on a legit canvas and the figurative canvas of life. It’s not reserved for the select few. It’s for all of us to use as we will. It’s not something that often happens magically though. It’s a learned skill, a way of life if you will. And it’s up to you whether you want to tap into your well of creativity or not.

Today, I’m waging a war against “creativity” as we know it. I forge this war in hopes that everyone will realize that there’s creativity of some sort within all of us. It may not be technically artistic, yet there’s a way in which we can all lead creative lives.

Go forth and do something creative! It could be as simple as sprinkling a new spice in your casserole or mixing a color/pattern that you haven’t tried before. I’m not asking you to rival Picasso; I’m just encouraging you to do something simple to tap into your creative ability.

Steroids.

February 8, 2016 Pamela Stephens

This past Thursday I got a steroid shot and per usual, I was awake all night. As I laid in bed and catnapped, I had a few thoughts. First of all, I’m super glad that I went on to the doctor early. He said this crummy feeling and annoying cough is going to hang around for at least a week. Not cool, sickness. Nonetheless, I knew that I’d be wide awake that night as soon as I felt that lovely prick in my hip. Steroid shots burn, y’all. For real.

Here are some miscellaneous thoughts I had as I lied awake Thursday night:

I love being awake when the rest of the world is asleep. For me, there’s something so relaxing about knowing no one is going to bother me for a bit. On the contrary, being asleep when the rest of the world is awake gives me quite a bit of anxiety. One of my more thought-provoking pieces was written about these late night hours. And another one.
I tend to be super creative and inspired during these hours. My thoughts and imagination run wild and some of my most creative ideas and breakthroughs have happened when I should have been sleeping. I tend to have to weed out the crazy stuff after I’ve had some sleep though. Not everything I churn out under the influence of delusion makes sense.
I’m much more more bold and brave during these hours. I’ll comment on a stranger’s post, encourage someone that I might have thought twice about normally, and write more “real” things when I’m awake late at night. If only I kept up that courage all the time..
I dream during these hours. (Not literally, obviously. This post is about being awake!) I think about the what-ifs and how to make magical things happen. I make plans for putting ideas into action and I often work out kinks in ideas that I haven’t been able to finalize yet. I always feel like I can take on the world during these hours.
My bed feels soooo comfortable. For those times I stay in bed instead of getting up to be productive, I realize just how awesome and cozy my bed is. I feel like it just swallows me up and hugs me. And then I continue to lie there awake.
I almost always want to paint. For some reason, I’m always inspired to paint in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, I’m usually too tired to actually give it a shot. Maybe I should! I could be missing out on some Midnight Masterpieces!
I think about myself more than other people. During the day, my thoughts are usually consumed with other people. Is so-and-so ok? Did I forget to do something for or follow up with someone? Did that person just take my humor in the wrong way? Does someone else need me? During these late nights hours though, I think about myself. My thoughts. My feelings. My dreams and ideas. It’s very refreshing and motivating.
I’ve done this late night thing every now and then since I can remember, even without steroids provoking it. As a girl, I can remember going to my mom and telling her I couldn’t sleep. (She was always awake too, so genetics probably play a part in this.) She would always tell me to “just go rest.” I didn’t usually fall back asleep, though I did feel more rested the next day than if I’d stayed up. Now when I struggle to sleep, I tell myself to “just rest.” That’s what I did on Thursday, which resulted in a series of quick naps throughout the night. At least some sleep is better than no sleep! (My Fitbit says I slept for 2 hours and 21 minutes.)
I feel lucky and thankful and grateful in the middle of the night. Oddly, my thoughts are usually super encouraging and positive late at night. I find myself being thankful for my life, my possessions, and my business. I even begin to appreciate the imperfections! This is another item I’d love to carryover into the daylight hours.
I send all of the emails to my team. I don’t believe it sending business related messages after business hours. (It’s a new thing that I am passionate about…setting boundaries for work and such.) However, when the ideas – the good, the bad, and the ridiculous – are bursting through my mind late at night, I fire away! This is probably a tad overwhelming for my team when they start their work day the next day. I just know that if I don’t send these ideas right then, they’ll have vanished by the morning. Bits of genius only stick around for a moment when they come late at night. And they might be buried among a few absurd options. That’s just how it works.

(Business tip: If you want to go ahead and respond to a business email after hours, type it up and save it in your drafts. Then, send it first thing the next morning. This begins to cultivate a culture of business for you and teaches people when you’ll be available for business discussions. I don’t really care for the term “work-life balance.” Boundaries, however, are important.)

P. S. Someone told me that I should “be a writer” recently and it made my whole week. In reality I am already a writer. However, her insisting that I should be a legit, professional, get-paid-for-it writer was so encouraging and reassuring. It truly means the world to me when you guys comment, mention a specific post, or talk about reading the blog in general. It encourages me more than you know, and I am so appreciative! (I probably shouldn’t have mentioned “being a writer” on this random post. Ha! Oh well. It’s Monday.)

8 Cute Valentine’s Day Ideas

February 4, 2016 Pamela Stephens

This is the “month of love” and it’s no secret that Valentine’s Day isn’t really my jam. My husband is thankful that I’ve never expected a delivery of grossly over-priced flowers or some fancy jewelry. And for the love of God, do not get me a stuffed animal. Even though I don’t get carried away in the hype of the holiday, I do think it can be a sweet day. Rather than being all about a significant other, I think it’s a good opportunity to show love and kindness to anyone…children, coworkers, and even strangers. You don’t have to be happily married, living in a two-story brick house, with 2.5 children to enjoy Valentine’s Day.

My apologies. That was a bit of a soap box moment. Even though I do have some tiny issues with the commercialization of the holiday, there are a ton of really cute Valentine’s Day items around the web. Here are links to some of my favorites this year.
I loved these handmade tic-tac-toe gifts by Joanna Gaines. This could be as simple or as elaborate as you’d like. At first glance, one would probably think that only the over-achieving Pinterest moms would do these Valentines. However, it wouldn’t really take that much effort, and I love that it’s not something that’ll be thrown away in less than a week. That longevity is a major win in my book.

These funny Valentines are right up my alley (and free to print)! I’m not much of a mushy gal, so something with a bit of humor is more fitting for me. And these are quite funny.

How to say “I love you” around the world. What a great skill to have!

We’ve been eating a lot of cheese and crackers lately. (Random, I know.) Why not use a cookie cutter to cut it into little hearts??

What a cute idea for Valentines from the kiddos to their grandparents, etc.

I’m a sucker for a cute pair of socks (especially fuzzy ones). This would be a great, inexpensive gift to hand out around the office. Or teacher’s gifts?

And I just loved this full-blown plan for Galentine’s Day. Seeing someone put so much work into celebrating their friends gives me all the feels.

This french bread pizza is more like how the Petruses will actually celebrate Valentine’s Day….except probably without the hearts.

Happy February, friends. Go wear something red and tell someone you love them!

Also, my Valentine’s Day last year and my Valentine’s favorites from 2014.

Leave a comment Other Stuff 2016 - Valentine's Day

January: Review in Pictures

February 1, 2016 Pamela Stephens

January was such an awesome month. It’s naturally one of my favorites because it’s my birthday month. I also love the “fresh start” and the emphasis on goal-setting. These things combined mean January can’t help but be at the top of my list. As we welcome the month of love, I decided to highlight a few of my favorite moments from this past month.

We finally hung curtains in the living room! It’s been a year and a half since we’ve been in this house…with no curtains. I chose to add these to the month of memories because this overdue change made such a difference in the room, and I feel so happy and accomplished every time I look at them.
I started working on my daily step goal! I’m not doing super awesome at it. I’ll admit it. However, progress is better than perfection, and I’m definitely more aware of my activity level these days.
All the houses! January has started off with a bang in the real estate arena. I’m so thankful for a good jump on the year, and I’m so very excited about the growth/changes on the horizon. (P.S. Be sure to let me know when you hear of someone looking to buy/sell a house. I can help anywhere in the US!)
Our dining room got a bit of a makeover. This photo symbolizes the changes we’ve made in our dining room to create a temporary workspace for my growing team. It also shows that I’m keeping some plants alive (a 2016 goal) and that I FINALLY pulled out this adorable print that I ordered almost 3 years ago. This photo celebrates a lot of milestones and progress for the month.
I celebrated my 30th birthday!!! We definitely couldn’t recap the month without mentioning this fact. It was definitely the highlight of my month.
I chose a word for the year and talked about it here on the blog. I’ve already had multiple opportunities to practice being courageous.
I’m painting! I set up a painting nook, and I’ve done some random painting lately. I also talked about some hesitations and developments in the area here.
This truly is my year. I know without a doubt that 2016 is going to be one of those fundamental, unforgettable years. Big things are going to happen. I just know it. This photo represents the time I spent goal-setting and planning for the year.
I worked on several house projects! One magical day, Matthew and I got so much done around the house. This photo is from a project in my closet room, and I’m happy to report that this room is so close to being “finished.”

Hooray for a productive month! I feel like it’s been waaaay longer than just 31 days, and I’m thrilled about how much was accomplished. I’m also VERY encouraged for the rest of the year. If as much happens the rest of the year as it has in January, I can only imagine what all I’ll have to report in December!

Looking back on the month like this is fun! I think I might start a new tradition. Hello, February…can’t wait to see what we accomplish together!

Leave a comment Other Stuff #PPTurns30 - 2016 - birthday - goals

Black on Black

January 28, 2016 Pamela Stephens

A trend that I’ve been digging lately is all black outfits. I’ve pinned so many of them, and I just think there’s something super sleek (and courageous) about wearing black on black. This isn’t a trend that I’d recommend for the fashionably conservative because there are a few “tricks” involved. However, I think practically anyone can pull of this look with just a little effort.

I think the trick here is to be sure to layer different textures or weights of fabric. For example, wear leather with cotton or a thicker knit with silk. If you layer multiple black cottons or similar fabrics, you could end up looking like a tired and angry art teacher. You also want to be sure none of your black items are too faded, unless it’s a distressed denim that’s intended to look that way. When pairing black with black, it’s important that all of the blacks look fresh and crisp. Here are some of my favorite black on black looks from around the Internet. These show a good mix of ways to rock the trend and mix fabrics appropriately! (Sources are provided at the bottom.)

What do you think? Think you’d feel comfortable wearing black on black? I think with the right fabrics and accessories, this could be a super easy and timeless look for anyone. I’m off to look at my options!

For more fashion inspiration, check out my Pinterest board!

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I am a good painter.

January 25, 2016 Pamela Stephens

For Christmas, my husband gave me a tabletop easel and some other paint supplies. He’s always encouraged me to paint more. Come to think of it, I’ve never quite understood why that is. I also got a beautiful brush holder from my mother-in-law and some new brushes. I had the makings of an awesome, new painting nook, and to be honest, I felt quite nervous about setting it up. I planned out the area in my head and neatly stacked all of the supplies there. I decided where to hang the brushes and what inspirational art to hang near by. I started looking for a tall stool and knew the lighting in the room would be great. Still, several weeks went by and I didn’t paint a thing.

Before receiving all of these fancy supplies, I didn’t paint often because it was a hassle to drag out all of the supplies, paint for a bit, and then put them away. I always said, “if I had a space for this, I’d paint more.” Well, after I developed a bit of a space, I still wasn’t rushing to paint more. Suddenly, I realized that while convenience did play a factor, the main reason that I wasn’t painting was because I was scared.

Here’s a section about fear from Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic:

You’re afraid you have no talent.
You’re afraid you’ll be rejected or criticized or ridiculed or misunderstood or—worst of all—ignored.
You’re afraid there’s no market for your creativity, and therefore no point in pursuing it.
You’re afraid somebody else already did it better.
You’re afraid everybody else already did it better.
You’re afraid somebody will steal your ideas, so it’s safer to keep them hidden forever in the dark.
You’re afraid you won’t be taken seriously.
You’re afraid your work isn’t politically, emotionally, or artistically important enough to change anyone’s life.
You’re afraid your dreams are embarrassing.
You’re afraid that someday you’ll look back on your creative endeavors as having been a giant waste of time, effort, and money.
You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of discipline.
You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of work space, or financial freedom, or empty hours in which to focus on invention or exploration.
You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of training or degree.
You’re afraid you’re too fat. (I don’t know what this has to do with creativity, exactly, but experience has taught me that most of us are afraid we’re too fat, so let’s just put that on the anxiety list, for good measure.)
You’re afraid of being exposed as a hack, or a fool, or a dilettante, or a narcissist.
You’re afraid of upsetting your family with what you may reveal.
You’re afraid of what your peers and coworkers will say if you express your personal truth aloud.
You’re afraid of unleashing your innermost demons, and you really don’t want to encounter your innermost demons.
You’re afraid your best work is behind you.
You’re afraid you never had any best work to begin with.
You’re afraid you neglected your creativity for so long that now you can never get it back.
You’re afraid you’re too old to start.
You’re afraid you’re too young to start.
You’re afraid because something went well in your life once, so obviously nothing can ever go well again.
You’re afraid because nothing has ever gone well in your life, so why bother trying?
You’re afraid of being a one-hit wonder.
You’re afraid of being a no-hit wonder . . . Listen, I don’t have all day here, so I’m not going to keep listing fears. It’s a bottomless list, anyhow, and a depressing one. I’ll just wrap up my summary this way: SCARY, SCARY, SCARY. Everything is so goddamn scary.

Specifically, I realized I was afraid of not being good. I was afraid of wasting money on supplies to produce shitty paintings. I was afraid that people would tell me how terrible everything I did was. Some of these fears are justified, as hurtful things have certainly been said to me. However, they’re not justified in the fact that by listening to these people, I’m choosing to live small.

The realization snuck in one morning that while I’m not a “good painter” in the regard that I paint wonderful works of art that are desired by many, I can still be a painter. I think a “good painter” is someone that insists on painting. I finally came to terms with the fact that I just have to paint something. Whether it’s good or not isn’t what matters. What matters, is that I make something. Anything. Good, bad, or more commonly, mediocre. Much like writing, the only way to get better at something is to practice and do it repetitively. The stuff you churn out in the beginning likely isn’t as good as what you’ll be doing years later. I don’t have to rival Picasso; I just have to paint something. Maybe, I’ll have something good come out of 10 shitty projects. Maybe it’ll be 1 out of 50. It doesn’t matter. I’m not painting to win any awards or support my family. I’m painting because I think it’s fun. And that’s what a good painter does – they paint.

Just as importantly, I realized that I’m not even necessarily afraid of how terrible something might be. I’m actually just afraid of what people will say. If someone sees a mediocre painting propped up in my house, will they say something hurtful? There’s a chance. Like practically everything else in my life, the fear of what other people will think/say has held me back from doing something fun. The fear of my feelings being hurt by someone’s unintentional (or intentional) comments, is a roadblock that I haven’t been able to drive around for the majority of my life. Basically, I’ve been letting fear control my creativity.

If you’re hoping for the formula of how I overcame that fear, I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed. As I finish Big Magic, I might be able to offer you some sort of “solution.” For now, I’ll just go paint something. I’ll slap some paint on a canvas without any clear intention. I’ll mix colors and attempt new strokes and I’ll hope something beautiful comes from it. If it doesn’t, that’s ok too. The goal here is to face the fear. It’s to know that the fear is there, and insist that I’ll act regardless. I’ll paint. I’ll dance. I’ll make something mediocre. And I’ll do all of these things with that fear running right along beside me. However, I know that eventually after “putting myself out there” more and more, I’ll eventually tame that overarching fear just a bit. I’ll live boldly and courageously and say with pride – I’m a good painter.

Leave a comment Inspiration & Thoughts 2016 - inspiration - painting

The Day I Changed My Mind About Blogging.

January 21, 2016 Pamela Stephens

I’ve been writing here for several years now (Several technically means three or more, so that’s accurate.) and it’s been such a fascinating ride! I’ve grown as a writer, a photographer, a story-teller, and a sharer. I’ve experienced ups and downs, small victories, and a full range of other emotions. I’ve learned how to listen to my own feelings, if for no other reason than to be able to reiterate and clearly communicate them here. At the risk of sounding trite, starting this blog is one of the things that I’m most proud of myself for doing and thankful for. Recently, I’ve realized a few things and I thought I’d take a quick moment to share.

I feel like I’ve finally come into my own. At first, I worried a lot about what I’d post. Even when there were only a few readers, (Thanks, Mom.) I analyzed every word and was truly concerned about what people would think of me. Don’t get me wrong…I still worry more than I should and often cringe when hitting publish. However, I feel like I’ve hit a groove. I’ve been creating regular content for over a year now and I’ve grown so much more comfortable with my voice.
I should take myself more seriously. At first, I’d use a poorly lit photo because “it didn’t really matter that much. Only a handful of people would see it anyway.” I excused half-assed work because I didn’t have thousands of eager follows. Lately, I’ve learned that I’m selling myself short with that sort of attitude and that I need to hold myself to the same standard whether I have 10 readers or 10,000. I recently “applied” for a writing position in which the process alone scared the shit out of me. Prepping my application was a big slap in the face in regards to how low of a standard I’ve held myself to. It was a turning point in which I decided I needed to act more legit, no matter how many readers I have.
I really did become a better writer by churning out regular content. When I first started this little project, my husband told me that my first step should be to write tons of posts. What?! Without a perfectly-designed platform to share them on? Without one million dedicated followers?! It felt like such a waste to write and write without a reason. (And I didn’t follow his precise instructions — who’s surprised?) Nonetheless, he was right. The more I wrote, the more comfortable I became and the more easily I could articulate my thoughts. I’m probably not going to win any literary awards just yet. However, I can say with 100% certainty that I’m a better writer today than I was three years ago. And for that reason, I’ll continue to share here so that I’ll be even better three years from now.
I love where my audience is right now. I went through a bit of a period where I felt so pressured to do more. I needed more followers, more comments, more repeat readers. I needed more content and more shares. Bullshit. Those things don’t actually matter. It turns out that I’m actually happy with the level that I’m on right now – I’m just not happy with how nonchalantly I’ve approached it. I have enough readers. I have enough comments. What I don’t have enough of is confidence that I’m enough.

It seems silly to think that this little space on the internet could have aided in my personal growth as much as it has. When I first started, I didn’t even quite know why I was doing it. I didn’t have a goal in mind necessarily; I just knew I really, really wanted it. Looking back, I can clearly see that I needed an outlet. I needed a place to spill my thoughts and ideas where I felt like I could possibly use them to encourage or motivate someone else. I needed a place where I was telling my story…both the ups and the downs. Now, over three years later, I can honestly say that I’m a better person and more self-aware than I was because of this blog. I’m a better writer and communicator and I’m definitely more supporting and encouraging of others. Something about putting your life “out there” twice a week will certainly make you more understanding of others!

As I wrap up a year of regular content (I’ve posted every Monday and Thursday for a year now!), I realize just how influential this space has been for me, and I’m thankful that I took the leap. Deciding to post regularly was a huge commitment that felt incredibly regrettable and daunting at times. I’ve felt brave and scared, talented and incapable, strong and weak…and experiencing all of the emotions has made me a better, stronger person. My intentions are to continue this endeavor and in doing so, I can’t wait to see how much I grow over the next year. I can also encourage you with certainty to attempt your big ideas and dreams. Whether you sink or swim, you’ll inevitably learn something and to me, that’s what life is about anyway. 2016 is in full swing. Will it be a year of change and growth? Or will it be another year that slides by without any exciting transitions? You decide.

Leave a comment Inspiration & Thoughts 2016 - blogging

How to Get it All Done

January 18, 2016 Pamela Stephens

We could probably uncover thousands of posts on this topic if we did a quick Google search. I think we all struggle with the concept of getting everything done at some point. It’s so easy to feel like we’re falling behind as our to do list grows and grows. Then, we see a coworker or someone on the internet who seems to have it all together and is doing more than we could even imagine. At first, I think of that internet famous quote, “You have the same amount of hours in a day as Beyoncé.” It’s a little silly, yet so accurate. We all have the same number of hours in a day. Why do we sometimes feel like we’re the only ones not getting anything done? Today, I wanted to offer a bit of perspective on the topic.

I often have people ask me how I do everything. How do you blog, work, travel, and still wrap fancy-looking presents? When do you have time to sip coffee or read books? What about the laundry or groceries? I had this exact conversation with a close friend when I sent out our moving announcements. There’s a spoiler here, or a cheat code, if you will. If you don’t read anymore of this post, be sure to pay attention to this one point. Although, you should definitely keep going because quitters never win. Are you ready?

No one does it all.

I don’t do it all. You don’t do it all. That perfectly put together lady down the street doesn’t do it all. We all do some things, not all things. It’s easy to compare ourselves to someone else, yet we forget to take the entire scenario into consideration. That being said, here are a few tips for bridging that gap in your mind.

Decide what you want to do. Since we can’t do everything, we must choose what’s important to us. Your list will look different than mine and vice versa. If you need to, make a quick list of all of the things you want to do. Then, prioritize them, keeping in mind that you will only be able to focus on some of them, not all. We aren’t super heroes, so pick the most important things to you.
Do whatever you chose really well. If you decided having a home cooked meal every night is what’s most important to you, do that. Keep in mind that you’re deciding to forfeit another opportunity in using that time for cooking, and that’s perfectly fine. Whatever you decide fills you up should be what you focus on and what you do really well. Cut yourself some slack on those other things. I, for example, choose to write, wrap pretty presents, etc. These sorts of creative tasks take the place of time I’d spend cooking or cleaning. I made that choice and therefore don’t try to do everything else. I do what I chose and feel good about that.
Stop comparing yourself to others. When you find yourself thinking so-and-so has it more together than you, stop it! They chose their priorities just like you did. There are most definitely areas they’ve chosen to ignore, even if they’re not immediately obvious. The reason that we often feel inferior is because we take note of the items someone else is doing that we’re not. When we see them accomplishing something that we’re not, it makes us feel like we’re dropping the ball on life. Rather than taking this approach, focus on the things you are doing well. Remind yourself that they’re doing awesome with this part and you’re doing awesome with that other part. It all levels out and we’re all dominating something.

The most important step in feeling like you get it all done is realizing that you don’t have to. It’s abandoning the thoughts in your head that tell you otherwise. Bid them farewell. The reason Beyoncé gets so many bad-ass things done in a day is because she doesn’t do something else. I guarantee Beyoncé isn’t spending her time scrubbing dishes. Instead, she’s using her 24 hours to do what she chose. That’s what we have to do too. Choose. And then do those things, ignoring that little voice in our head that tells us we should be doing something else.

Leave a comment Inspiration & Thoughts 2016 - inspiration

New Coffee Nooks & Change

January 14, 2016 Pamela Stephens

I’m sitting in my new coffee nook as I type this post. I’m staring out our big bay windows watching the world wake up. There’s frost covering the ground and the bird bath is frozen solid. I’m covered up and cozy in my favorite fuzzy blanket given to me by my oldest niece. Matthew is sitting next to me, likely catching up on the news while I’m reading about removable wallpaper. If this is sounding too glamorous, I’ll point out that just inches away there are tubs stacked head-high of decor from my birthday party and there are definitely cake crumbs on the counter. Life isn’t perfect, you guys. I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.

However, this post isn’t about my immediate surroundings or the weather outside. It’s about change. It’s about dealing with that change, or better yet, learning to welcome and embrace it. The last several weeks have been allll about change. Imagine changes in my home, my business, and my family. I almost want to call it a major overhaul, yet I know that’s a bit dramatic. One of these changes was moving the breakfast table to the dining room to use as a temporary workspace. This meant, moving our morning coffee spot to the chairs in the breakfast space. This seems simple, and for many people (like my husband) they wouldn’t miss a beat. For me, even something this small can be overwhelming.

On one hand, I love to be spontaneous and adventurous. On the other, I value a routine. I think that I feel balanced as long as the routine is the most prevalent and that some consistency remains among the spontaneity. When I feel like everything is changing at once, I feel anxious. And that’s precisely how I’ve felt the last month or so. As I sit staring out this new window, I think about all of the changes. I realize that I want these changes. I realize that they’re all good and that everyone is still alive amidst the chaos. I realize no one was harmed in the making of this story. We’re alive. We’re well. And we’re happy. Thinking through these things makes me want to “go with the flow” and “embrace change,” while knowing that those two principles don’t ring strong in my emotional wardrobe. Nonetheless, as I sip coffee (that’s likely getting cold as I type) from a new location, I understand that I’m practicing being gracious through the transition periods. I’m practicing bravery or better yet, courage. My hope is that when the next wave of changes roll through, I’ll be even better at navigating them.

It’s a bit silly to think about how much aversion I have to change sometimes. Why would someone put up such a fight when they know change is inevitable? When they want the change? I can’t answer those questions yet, and I know that I may not ever understand. However, I can hope that I’ll become better at it. I can consider each new endeavor as practice. I can focus on staying calm when I see that things are adjusting around me. I can learn to love to sip my coffee from this new nook and understand that someday…maybe even soon…I might sip it from somewhere else.

Leave a comment Inspiration & Thoughts 2016 - for the love of coffee