Breaks & Breakdowns

May 26, 2016 Pamela Stephens

Last week it happened. I broke down. Like ugly cried all day, waved my hands around in frustration, and complained to my husband about life (and people). Any sane person could see that it was bound to happen. We’re out of our home and routines. We’re rebuilding, which comes with its own headaches. I feel like every other day I’m afraid that I might be homeless again. I’m working like a mad woman, definitely not utilizing my team enough. I’m negotiating what I swear are some of THE hardest deals of my entire career. I put a booth in an antique store and bought an investment property that needs just as much work as our home. Just to name a few.

Clearly after a day of riding that emotional rollercoaster hard and fast, I knew something had to give. I didn’t want to give up any of my projects, so I decided to make a few small changes instead. Here are a few, in case you need to practice better break-taking too:

I’m not carrying my phone with me to the bathroom. I have quite a habit of carrying my phone everywhere I go. Especially the bathroom. My reasoning is that I can use the time walking back from the bathroom to respond to texts and emails. That might seem like a productivity trait. However, here’s what happens. First, if I’m looking down at my phone as I pass by all of the offices and real people along the way, I miss them. I barely say hello. I don’t ask about their lives. I don’t pause for conversation about new listings or troubleshooting in negotiations. I surely don’t offer help. I’m a busy lady! Secondly, if the phone rings while I’m in the bathroom, I legit try to pee faster so I can answer it before it goes to voicemail. That’s nuts. State labor laws mandate that employees get a certain number of breaks per day as well as a true lunch break. (What?! Is that real?) I don’t even give myself 3 minutes to walk to the bathroom! For now, I’m giving myself that time. I understand that I’ll come back to 25 unanswered text messages. However, I’m gaining 3-5 minutes of peace. Sign me up for that.
I must find time to relax and hobbies that aren’t directly related to my work. Both fortunately and unfortunately, the things I enjoy doing are very closely related to my “work.” Therefore, during my down time, whatever I find myself doing can easily cross over from down time to work and next thing I know, I didn’t clear my mind or rest at all. I think I’m learning that I don’t actually know how to “rest” at all and that I don’t have any hobbies that allow me to truly relax. Not good. And I don’t even know where to start with figuring that one out. Any help?
I will take days (or at least half days) off where I transfer my calls and delegate out my texts and emails. Since I use my personal cell for work, my work can easily follow me everywhere. Even to the bathroom (see above). The fact of the matter is, I have a well-trained team of professionals who can troubleshoot and handle business, just as well as I can. I pay two full-time salaried folks to help me. I simply MUST unplug and allow them to do their jobs (and mine) every now and then in order to actually get a break. Otherwise, I eventually become a hot, crazy mess. I finally took an actual day off and it was the most amazing thing ever. Better than my birthday. I feel like a brand new person. I’m inspired, rested, and eager to work. Doesn’t that sound awesome?! It feels awesome.
I need to set clearer boundaries, both for myself and for others. For example, I’m not available to chat real estate at midnight. I’m not going to answer a contractor’s question at 5:50 am. For most people who only share their office phone number, they would only get these messages between their regular office hours and everything else would just have to wait. They’d be at home watching Game of Thrones, oblivious that their office phone was ringing off the hook. Since I give out all of my contact info, folks can track me down at all times. This means, I never get to turn my work brain off. I don’t get to unplug or rest. I need to practice setting more clear boundaries and holding myself accountable to those. I can be accessible without being a slave to my work and my phone.

As I write this I immediately see 1,000 ways that I’ll cheat. It’s so easy! And most of the time I even want to. I do not, however, want to lose and entire day of productivity recuperating from not taking a break. Seriously guys, I’m the worst boss of myself possible. I’ve written a few things on this topic that I haven’t shared and maybe I should get around to that. Also, something similar here and here.

Clearly, this is an ongoing struggle for me. I’ve read several articles about set break time and rejuvenation. I already understand the importance. I just don’t do it. Anyone else struggle with this? If you have some tips for doing better, I’m all ears. You can leave a comment, email me, or call me after midnight. Kidding. Don’t do that last one. I’m setting boundaries now.

Cabinets

May 20, 2016 Pamela Stephens

I alluded to the fact that I’d write more about the flood and I honestly assumed that would have already happened. I have several sentences marked down here and there documenting my feelings and experiences of the last two months. However, nothing feels complete and honestly, I feel as if I haven’t been able to fully draw out what I’ve experienced lately because of the roller coaster of emotions I’ve been on. There have been highs and very lows and stress, something I avoid like the plague, has set up shop in my life and it’s been a constant battle for me to live despite that fact.

Then, cabinets were a game changer. We’ve had two major delays throughout this process and those were getting doors and cabinets. These two items alone blew a hole in my overly ambitious plan to be back in my home by May 30. Both were also completely out of my control which caused its own set of emotional struggles. Even though I knew the “hard times” were so, so temporary, I still found it difficult to stay positive (and not wildly frustrated) at times. It was often very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel without secretly fearing it was a train.

Then, on Tuesday, May 10th our doors arrived. Unloading them from the trailer offered a glimmer of hope that we might be making progress after all. Just three short days later, our cabinets were delivered and installed. Seeing those cabinets sitting in their well-designed spot in the kitchen, was a major game changer for me. I wrote on IG that I could have hugged the cabinet guy and laughed/cried/danced about. It felt like I’d been waiting a lifetime to see those cabinets and to behold them in all their freshly-crafted glory felt like my own silver lining. I suddenly felt like we would make it. We would someday finish rebuilding and get to live in our home again. The decisions I’ve been making on the fly without as much consideration as I’d like, were turning out ok. We would be done with this living nightmare soon.

I would have never guessed that cabinets could cause such a transformation in my mood, though I’m beyond thrilled to have switched to a more positive mindset. I don’t thrive well in negativity and worry had undoubtedly consumed me. I felt lost and like I’d never find my way again, even when my rational mind insisted that I would. Now, with cabinets and a few doors hanging on their hinges, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I know it’s not a train. Instead, it’s the sunshine that’ll be pouring through my windows as I settle back into my new, old home. It still feels like a distant dream, though suddenly I’m rejuvenated enough to finish the fight.

P.S. If anyone is looking for an amazing cabinet maker, Matthew and I highly recommend Bailey’s Custom Cabinets. Jimmy Bailey was very attentive and took notes (something most don’t even take the time to do). He asked lots of questions, making sure to understand our goals. Even more importantly, he delivered what he said he would deliver, every single time WHEN he said he’d do it. He has by far been one of the most pleasant and least frustrating people to work with during this progress. And our cabinets look and feel awesome.

Leave a comment Our First House #mapfirsthouse - flood

Renovating a House From Top to Bottom – When You’re Not Expecting To

April 20, 2016 Pamela Stephens

I basically love everything house related – design, décor, renovating, color schemes, furniture – you name it. I’m even a realtor for heaven’s sake! Since I can remember, I’ve dreamed about redoing whatever space I was in and planned excessively for that. Since I’ve never had an endless budget to rehab each space to it’s maximum potential, I’ve always lived in a state of “make it work” vs stretch everything to its max potential.

This house was no exception. We did a ton of renovations before we moved in to make the house livable for us and work with our lifestyle. Then, I settled into months and months of deciding what were the best projects to spend our money on. Of course, I had a dream list of things I’d looooove to do to our home. And then there was the list of upcoming projects that were more reasonable that we’d tackle as funds and time became available. (I actually had that list ready to share with you guys in March.) Then the flood hit and it basically changed everything.We spent the last year working to get the inside to a good place. We’d just had several conversations about being settled enough with the interior to begin work outside. We had several projects lined out for the exterior, and actually planned to begin work on the landscaping (finally!) the weekend that the flood hit. Now, rather than following our original trajectory, we’re having to start over.

What does that mean exactly? It means a lot of things. First, we’re having to redo all of the work we’d already done. Our house was destroyed completely from 4 feet down, so everything we’d already lined out – flooring, paint, furniture, etc. – had to be demolished/discarded and redone. Secondly, the plans we’d made need to be reevaluated as things are all shaken up now. Even though our intention was to focus our energy on the exterior this year, we need to adjust and put out focus back on the interior for now. Obviously, we want to get to live there again ASAP. Also, with our house being basically demoed, it was a good time to reevaluate previous decisions and the overall layout and functionality of the home. If we were going to change anything, now was the time to do it.

Since I had a few ideas already, some of the decision were easy to make on the fly. However, the way I handle practically any decision is to consider every single possibility and look at every option. Then, I take some time to process the options, considering all pros and cons, and finally make a decision after much deliberation and discussion among my closest confidants. The trouble with the strategy here is that I need to make the majority of the design decisions quickly…like yesterday…so that work can happen quickly and we’re out of our home for the shortest time possible. This is not conducive to my normal way of doing things.

When you’re planning for a major renovation or building a new home, I feel like it’s a lot easier to be prepared for all of the decisions and information that’s coming your way. At a minimum, most people will have planned for a place to live in the meantime. When a renovation is basically thrown in your lap, however, things seem a bit more difficult. I don’t feel like I have the time to really consider my options like I would prefer to. Trying to find temporary housing, dealing with insurance, not having vehicles, still working full time, and processing 1,000 conflicting emotions AND planning and dreaming for this big remodel has proved to be very hard on me. I’m not one to crumble under pressure, though I’ll admit that my current lifestyle is not conducive to nurturing my creativity. Instead, I feel pressured to make the best possible choices in the least amount of time, and for now, I’m just hoping that they’re close to “right.” Or adequate. At this point, I think I’ll settle for adequate.

Lately, my free time is spent scouring Pinterest and channeling my inner Joanna Gaines like it’s my job. And in a way, I suppose it is. When life throws crazy, unexpected trials at you, you simply learn to deal. And in this situation, I feel like it’s my role or job to use this opportunity to make our home into the best place it can be for my family. We didn’t think we’d be doing a major renovation any time soon, though since we are, I feel like I need to do my best work. I need to think fast and creatively. I need to consider as many options as possible in a short amount of time and I need to employ my best ideas quickly. I need to think both inside and outside of the box and consider our big dreams and ideas while also being practical and focused on the schedule. I need to maximize our budget while not forgetting to splurge where most necessary. I need to think about how we’ve truly used this home over the last year and a half, and think about areas of improvement that we would have only dreamed about. I know, without a doubt, that I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself to do this quickly and efficiently. And obviously, when you’re forced to remodel without first planning for it, that will come with its fair share of headaches and strains. (Though, I could live without having a migraine every single day.) Nonetheless, I’ll figure all of this out and I’ll make it through. Matthew and I will be back in our beloved home before I know it, and hopefully, it’ll be beautiful and relaxing, just as we’re dreaming about now.

I’ve obviously been a bit quiet lately, and this post sort of indirectly mentions the tragedy we’ve experienced. Naturally, things have been a bit chaotic and that chaos has left me with few words for now. At first, I had no desire to write and now the words are starting to come back slowly. My thoughts still aren’t entirely clear, though I know the words will come back eventually. I’m sure I’ll share more about the flood eventually. For now, I’ll keep searching for my words and I’ll pop in and out here as they arrive.

Also, I just decided to track our rebuilding process through the 100 Day Project. Last year, I focused on crafty projects and this year I thought I’d use this time to showcase the rebuilding process. Feel free to follow along with #100daysofrebuilding on Instagram, if you’d like.

Leave a comment Our First House #mapfirsthouse - flood

Currently.

April 11, 2016 Pamela Stephens

I’ve seen these “currently” posts all over the Internet and I’ve always loved them. It’s no secret that @elisejoy’s were always my favorite. Considering the awkward spot of life we’re in right now, I thought this might be a great time to try one of my own. So here goes.

Currently I am:
rebuilding my house.

taking pictures of all the flowers.

thrilled that there’s Sheetrock back on my walls. (Seriously, so encouraging.)

choosing paint colors like its my job.

learning to live comfortably in a camper.

trying to find my words again.

being thankful for a place to live, for the opportunity to rebuild, and for amazing friends/family and strangers.

working hard and fast.

stalking Emily Henderson’s blog for design ideas.

adjusting to 1,000 new things and emotions.

driving my car with the sunroof open and music up loud. (Not right this second, obviously.)

enjoying little tiny moments that might have otherwise slipped by.

growing a real estate business.

eating way too much ice cream.

loving the warm sunshine.

embarking upon a few new adventures, in spite of the madness.

sending so many thank you cards.

waiting excitedly on the new season of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

These are just a few of the things I’m doing currently. It’s no secret that our lives were turned upside down after the flood and for a bit, I struggled to bounce back. Each day it gets easier, and though I’m not back in a routine and my writing has suffered tremendously, I’m back at work and back at life. Each day gets a little easier and each day I feel a little more like my real self. We’re slowly finding our new normal. We appreciate the well wishes through the flood and for understanding as things have been a bit harder lately. Currently, I’m thankful to be deep into the recovery stage where I finally feel my head’s above water…both literally and figuratively, I suppose.

Since I’ve strayed from my regular Monday/Thursday blog posting schedule, feel free to keep up via Instagram @pamelapetrus for now.

2 Comments Our First House #mapfirsthouse - 2016 - Currently - flood

On Growing Up

March 7, 2016 Pamela Stephens

I wrote these words at some point last year. When I was thinking about what I wanted to share on the blog today, I stumbled upon this and decided I didn’t want to let time pass without sharing this thought. It explains SO MUCH of what I felt throughout my late twenties, and I really want that emotion documented here. I’d say that I’m still in this stage somewhat, though I definitely feel more comfortable in my skin and in my world today than what I did at 26, or when I wrote these words even. If you’re just embarking upon these years, be warned. This is pretty much what it feels like all the time and if I had any advice to give it would be to embrace it. You don’t have things figured out and you won’t just yet. Instead, just hang on. It might be a bumpy ride, but you’ll get where you’re going nonetheless. That’s when everything else will make sense. Here are my thoughts:

I’ve started 5,002 blog posts (exaggeration) about my personal growth and what I’ve learned lately, and honestly, I can never seem to flesh out the thoughts in my head. It’s sort of like standing in the middle of the world’s most exciting circus and not being able to decide which part to enjoy first. Do you run towards the elephant rides? Or the lion’s den? But there’s tightrope walkers and cotton candy! The music is loud and invigorating and people are laughing everywhere and it’s the most exciting day of your life! But you don’t know where to start.

That’s what it’s felt like inside my head lately. I literally feel like I’ve come so far in the last couple of years. I can’t put my finger on when this awakening began, but there was some point in the last two years where I woke up and became a new person. It’s felt amazing and scary and rewarding and inspiring. Really, I’ve felt all of the emotions. However, I still can’t put it into words.

I’ve read here and there that it’s in your thirties that you finally learn who you are. They say that you spend your teenage years just learning to survive and you’re twenties are filled with exploration. Then, it’s you’re thirties that you put all of this together and finally learn and understand what you’re really made of and who you want to be. I wouldn’t say this is scientific fact, but I think they might be on to something.

I turned 29 in January. I’m not quite thirty, but I’m not surprised that I would have experienced this personal revelation a little early. I’ve always been a bit on the mature side, but that’s a conversation for another time. If I tried to put my finger on it, I’d say that I started really figuring myself out around 26 or 27.

I’ve wanted to talk about these various realizations many times. I’ve started post after post and conversation after conversation. I’ve talked with my husband about it thousands of times, and I even struggle to make sense in those conversations. It’s as if the words bubble up inside of me, begging to be released, but then they stay there stagnant. Maybe there are no words. Maybe the magnitude of what needs to be said is too large for me to process right now.

One day, I stumbled upon a post written by Karey Mackin on Clementine Daily. The tag line was, “Good grown-ups don’t care about being right; they prefer being informed,” and I knew right away that I must read this post. She talks about what it means to “grow up.” She talks about learning and growing and wearing what you want. She talks responsibility and finding balance between laundry and exciting adventures. The tag line itself spoke to me, because I noticed this shift in myself years ago. I want to know and understand. I don’t care so much about being right…I just want to be informed. Maybe there isn’t so much black and white. Actually, I think the world is probably comprised of mostly gray.

I read the entire post and it resonated with the feeling I’ve had lately. No, I’m not in my forties yet, but there’s so much to be learned and uncovered at any age. This time that I’m in right now is a big one. I’ve often wondered if it’s really possible to know that as you experience it, but apparently it is. Aside from those formable years where I learned to walk and talk and read, I think this is probably my biggest transitional stage yet. I’m growing and changing as a person almost daily. Sometimes it feels scary and difficult, but it’s mainly exciting. I’m thrilled to become someone better than who I was yesterday. I can’t wait to look back on these years and see what a difference they made. I still don’t yet have the words to describe what’s happened and is happening, but I know that it’s something big.

One day I’ll get it. One day, I’ll be able to explain and understand. For now, I’ll continue to sit with that yearning feeling, hoping to someday find the words.

Leave a comment Inspiration & Thoughts 2015 - inspiration - personal development - What I've Learned

Bonnie & Clyde in Colorado

March 3, 2016 Pamela Stephens

Vacations are wonderful and lovely. Especially when it’s to somewhere that you’ve never been and you get to do something new and exciting. Until someone gets the flu. That’s definitely a game changer.

Matthew and I headed out for Colorado with our favorite travel buddies, his grandparents. (They’re who we trekked around Alaska with this last summer.) Pagosa Springs is a 19 hour drive from our home in North Louisiana and we broke the drive up a bit by staying with Matthew’s mom and stepdad in Texas. It was a win-win for family time! Both Matthew and I were very excited about the trip because he hadn’t skied in many years and I’d never been. I’d also never seen “real”‘snow piled on the ground or fluttering through the air. We just don’t see that type of weather in Louisiana. That’s strange for me to realize since I’m quite the traveler. Nonetheless, we were pumped about the trip and couldn’t wait to enjoy three full days of skiing in Colorado. And then Matthew got the flu.

We went up on the mountain on Monday and Matthew felt terrible after just a few passes down the mountain. We were certain that he had altitude sickness so he rested in the car while we skied a bit more. The next day, he stayed behind to rest in hopes that he would feel well enough to hit the slopes on our last day. As the day progressed, he felt worse and worse and spiked a fever, so I tracked down a local nurse practitioner for him to see. (A huge shout out to Susan Kuhns at Pagosa Health and Wellness for staying late and helping us out. She was awesome.) When we presented his list of symptoms to her, it was pretty clear that we were dealing with the flu. She gave us meds (including some preventative options for me) and we stocked up on all things flu related at the local Wal-Mart. In all honesty, I’ve never been more excited to see a Wal-Mart stocked with wellness items AND a friendly staff. If you saw the contents of my buggy, you would have known that we were fighting something nasty – Lysol, Lysol wipes, thermometer, vitamin C – the works. From what we can gather, Matthew must have been exposed to and fought off the flu virus and the altitude sickness weakened his immune system allowing the virus to take hold. To say that it wasn’t how we expected to spend our few days in Colorado, is definitely an understatement.

As I sat in our dark hotel room, preparing Easy Mac in the hotel’s microwave, I realized that I felt like we were Bonnie and Clyde. We were hidden away in this room, unable to go outside for fear of being found. The blinds were closed and we seemed to have no connection with the outside world. Matthew and I chuckled over this realization and as he apologized for “ruining our vacation,” I assured him that it wasn’t ruined…we would just leave with a different type of memory than what we originally planned.

Despite the sudden illness, I did get to learn to ski and enjoy the snow a bit. On the first day, I went to ski school to learn the basics. Matthew’s grandparents are both great skiers, so I also had them to learn from. I was happy to report that I picked it up rather quickly and didn’t even fall the first day! The second day brought with it some challenges, as is was snowing rather heavily and the slopes were a bit crunchy/icy. I fell twice on Tuesday…nothing too dramatic though. I did end up in a bit of a tough spot once though. I came down the mountain a bit faster than I anticipated and missed the turn to go my usual route. Instead, I ended up at the top of a much steeper slope than I felt comfortable with. I stood there at the top, literally afraid to move. Luckily, Matthew’s grandfather was with me and showed me how to slide down gently. I’m usually pretty brave; however, I knew I wouldn’t successfully navigate that slope. Before Pappaw showed me a trick to get down, I was seriously considering calling a helicopter come pick me up! The moral of this story is to try not to get yourself onto a slope you’re not comfortable with!

Even though our trip didn’t turn out like we planned, I loved the beautiful scenery and the snow. After this trip, I feel like I could live somewhere where it snows and love it! The snow-covered trees and mountains were simply gorgeous and I’m so glad we had the opportunity to experience them for a bit.

Until we meet again Colorado! Next time we’ll come without the flu.

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What is good?

February 29, 2016 Pamela Stephens

I recently read this post and I basically want to rearrange all of the words and share the exact same things here. It’s so. good. In a response to the troubled artist, the writer tells her to stop obsessing over what others think of her work. Instead, she tells her to “Create! Call it good! Rest!”

She says:

“God created the seas. God called it good.

God created the land. God called it good.

God created the animals. God called it good.

God created light. God called it good.

God rested.”

I realized that I’ve been skipping that “good” phase. As I’m writing myself, I either over-analyze every single word or I just release it, imperfect into the wild, hoping no one sees that one. Whether they’re perfectly crafted or not, I always worry to death over how someone will take those words. What will they think? Will they misunderstand? Will they completely disagree or deduce that I’m some sort of reckless monster? I worry and stew and try to protect my art, much like the jaded artist from the post. I’m skipping the “good” phase.

The writer here says that inspiration comes to us. We get it out of us as quickly as possible. Then we “work” to finesse it. We tighten our sentences or add extra strokes. Our next step should be to “call it good” and walk away. The thought of that feels so foreign to me and brings me to my next thought.

What is good?

The first definition of the word good is “to be desired or approved of.” How fitting for this topic! If we simply followed that definition, having our own approval would be “good.” We could walk away. Instead, we tend to want to obsess over how the world will rank our work. We mull it over, keep tweaking things, and then once it’s finally released, we wait anxiously to see how it’s received. Sometimes we defend negative comments or spend time explaining our reasoning. We worry. And we don’t rest.

I began to wonder what my process would look like if I truly followed the steps above. Rather than worrying once my art is released, what if I just called it done. What if I called it good? In this case, good doesn’t have to mean perfect. It’s doesn’t have to mean accepted by all or revered by many. Good just means done. “It is good” means that the inspiration has come, work has been done, and it is finished. At that point, the product is no longer mine to obsess over. I’ve done my job. I’ve accepted the challenge, worked it out to the best of my ability, and that’s the end of my job as an artist.

Create. Call it good. And rest.

I wrote similar thoughts about painting right before reading this post. You can read those here.

Leave a comment Inspiration & Thoughts 2016 - creativity

Denali National Park – Alaska

February 25, 2016 Pamela Stephens

I realized that months have passed and I still haven’t finished sharing details about our Alaska trip. Since we’re enjoying some time in the Rocky Mountains this week, I thought it would be a good time to talk more about the lovely Alaskan vacation.

On our first full day there, we visited Denali National Park. I had very high expectations for the park because I was told that this is where you see the majority of the wildlife. If I’m being honest, I sort of expected it to be like a safari park of sorts…we ride around in a bus and feed wildlife from little cups. Obviously, I had the wrong idea. Apparently, the week we were there was the week all of the animals took a sabbatical. Or a vacation to Canada. We did see a few miscellaneous animals in the distance. Not. One. Bear. Though. Unfortunately, it was also a very foggy day and there was some residual smoke from recent forest fires, so we missed a lot of the mountain views too, including the majestic Mount McKinley (which I think was renamed to Denali shortly after we left). If you noticed the etching on the window in the photo above, you can tell where Mount McKinley was supposed to be. All we could see was fog. Turns out that it had only been seen 3-4 times so far this summer. I wish I would have known those odds before I rode a bus for 8 hours!

Even though we didn’t see as much of the mountains or wildlife as we’d hoped, we did get a ton of good photos and enjoyed the cool features of the visitor center. My favorites there were the American flag flying high against the mountain view, that awesome handmade quilt, and the book in which someone sketches the view of Denali every single day. So awesome! My favorite part of the park was Polychrome Pass. I loved the variety of colors and textures there. As with all of of the Alaskan scenery, I feel like it was impossible to catch its true beauty in a photo.

The trip to the park and back and the long bus ride there proved to be very exhausting. We drove 4 hours there, rode 8 hours on the bus, and then drove 4 more hours back to our campsite. Not kidding. We were exhausted by the time we turned in for the night. We were already quite tired from making the journey to Alaska the day before. Nonetheless, the visit to the park was a great way to kick off our trip! And I’m happy to report that I didn’t get motion sickness on the bus – hooray!

Leave a comment Travel #mapinalaska - 2015 - travel

Things I’m Loving Right Now.

February 22, 2016 Pamela Stephens

Hey everyone! I didn’t properly introduce myself last week. My name is Ashlee. I am friends with Pamela and I also work for her. She gave me the opportunity to guest post here last Monday (you can read that post here) and she is also letting me guest post this Monday. Your regularly scheduled Pamela posts will come back soon, I promise.

Pamela and I both are list people. We value a good to-do list, a call list (inside joke, but I couldn’t resist), I even love a good pro-con list. I like to think I’m very Rory Gilmore in that sense. So I thought it would be fun to share a list of things that I am loving right now (or looking forward to). Ready? Here goes nothing:

Oh, The Places You’ll Go! by Dr. Seuss. Don’t ever let my age fool you, I’m a child at heart. I also L O V E words and what they can do. This book was given to me when I graduated high school and I recently picked up another copy to gift to someone. I sat at Starbucks reading my children’s book this weekend and I just thought to myself, “EVERYONE needs to read this!! It is SO GOOD!” So, go pick up a copy. I got this one for $10 at Target. Read it yourself, then one day when you don’t need its wisdom share it with someone else who does.
Insta Dri Nail Polish in Slick as Slate has been gracing my fingers and toes for weeks now. I take it off just to put it back on. In high school I was all funky colors. I wanted lime green toes and bright blue fingers. I definitely still have that same taste and get a little crazy with my nail color sometimes, but I’m trying to streamline my nails more so lately. After three consecutive weddings in the fall and so much nude nail polish, I kind of fell in love with gray. It goes with everything and it’s still kind of fun. It’s not black but it still gives the same vibes. Summer is coming quickly and I’m sure I’ll break out the pinks and blues but for a couple of more weeks, I’m going to rock that gray.
Mid-Rise Super Skinny Jeans (Dark Wash) are my favorite jeans. I went to a high school where it was a rule to tuck in your shirt and so I have boycotted the idea of tucked in anything for the past five years. But after I bought these jeans I saw someone tuck in a shirt to some high-waisted jeans. I thought it was super cute, so I tried it with these and I loved it. A cute blue and white striped blouse tucked in with my beige cardigan, these jeans and some cute shoes….I feel less frumpy and more together. Plus these jeans dress up better than almost any other pair of jeans I’ve had. (*Note: jeans can only be so dressy, I’m learning.)
One Tree Hill is one of the few TV shows I am watching right now. Usually I limit myself to investing in one show at a time. I don’t want to spend ridiculous amounts of time watching television; I would rather be doing about eight million other things. However, I usually have one on hand to relax and let my mind be distracted with. OTH is one of my favorites. This is my first time watching it from Season 1 all the way through. What a journey it has been! I wasn’t allowed to watch it when it was airing on TV but I would still sneak it in sometimes. I’ve always loved it but there’s something nice about returning to Tree Hill every once in a while. #Nathan&HaleyForever #BDavisIsAGirlBoss
Friends is another TV show. I said in the last point that I only watch one show at a time but right now I’m watching a few. Well Friends is one of the others. I have never watched this show. Maybe one or two random episodes, but I didn’t like them. After a long weekend in Dallas with some friends, I came home obsessed with the show. I took every Friends quiz to see which character I am and who my Friends soulmate is (Chandler. Of course.). Have I mentioned that I’m only 22?! This show came out six days prior to my first birthday. Oh how I love it now though!
This workout has kicked my butt and it has been awesome! For the next few days after doing it, every laugh hurt so bad that I would say “OUCH!”. Pamela asked me if I had broken a rib and not told anyone. It was an intense workout, but so good. I typically just run and do some bodyweight training. This shook up my routine and I definitely didn’t hate it. Working out is fun to me and I love the satisfaction of being sore later and this one didn’t leave me disappointed there. I made some modifications where it called for dumbbells since I didn’t have any. For the plank rows, I used books (Insurgent and Allegiant to be precise). Then for the dumbbell crunches I instead did the superman yoga pose. It was so challenging but I can’t wait to do it again!
Warm weather, sunshine and flowers mean summer is coming. I was made for warm weather and sunshine. As I’ve gotten older I have been able to more greatly appreciate the other seasons too, but still, my heart beats for 80+ degree days and sunshine. I am anxiously awaiting the days of cute shorts and warm summer nights. I want ALL of the flowers. I want to plant flowers in pots. I want them in vases in my house. I want to pick them and smell them all. I also just want to lay in the sunshine all day. Is this too much to ask?
13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi is my favorite new movie. I can definitively say this because I have been to the movies at least once a week since the new year almost without fail. I have seen a lot of movies so far this year and this has been my favorite. This is not a big shocker at all to anyone who knows me. The movie was just very real, very honest and I think it honored the men who served there in Benghazi. Definitely worth watching.

These are some of my favorite things right now. What are some of yours? What is inspiring you right now?

Guest post by Ashlee Matthews from https://www.lovepeoplewell.com

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Book Review: Big Magic

February 18, 2016 Pamela Stephens

Let’s talk about Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. You may recognize the author from her best-seller Eat Pray Love. Her newest book, Big Magic, has taken the creative world by storm. It’s shown up on practically every must-read list and you’ll see perfectly styled photos of it on almost every creative’s Instagram. With good reason.

I have a tendency to not want to “finish” books that I really love. I hate feeling like its over! I’ll save one chapter or at least several pages so that I don’t have to close the door on the experience. The Nester mentioned this recently and I felt a lot less like a weirdo because of it. Despite my desire to “save” the ending, I finished Big Magic.

If you practice creativity in any sort of way, this is a must-read. Gilbert’s thoughts on how creativity comes to be and how it should be treated are life changing. As I read along, I realized I have been approaching my own creativity in the wrong way. Here are my biggest takeaways from the book:

Creativity is a gift to us, not to our audience. I realized that, especially with my writing, I always work with the audience in mind. I write such that they can hopefully take something away…be inspired or feel a part of something. Instead, I should be writing for me – writing to process my thoughts or get that big idea out there – not such that my audience is affected.
Creative living shouldn’t be hard or emotionally challenging. In the book, Gilbert frequently talked about the troubled artist, the martyr that sacrifices their own well-being for their art. She talked about those dark and troubled makers who think they can’t be creative without a life filled with turmoil. Gilbert’s take on creativity is purely the opposite. She said that if creating doesn’t bring your joy, then you should abandon it. I don’t live a “troubled” life, yet I do worry to death over how well I do things. Rather than worrying about the result, the feedback, or the end game. I just need to create, put it out there, and be done.
“This is a world, not a womb.” Gilbert takes a pretty no-nonsense stance against being susceptible to the criticism of others. She says we’re all entitled to our own opinions and undoubtedly someone’s will be different than ours. Without doubt, someone out there will truly dislike your work. That’s not what matters though. As creative livers, our job is still to create. Our job is not to coddle those who don’t agree or explain our rationalization. We must just simply create. And most importantly, we must do so with the understanding that not everyone will like it and that’s perfectly okay.
I hold on to the results much too tightly. In the past, I’ve always created with an end game in mind. If I’m writing, it’s with the hopes that it becomes an awesome blog post. If I’m painting, it’s with the intention of having some lovely art to fill a spot on the wall. I seldom create just do stretch my creative limits. By focusing so heavily on the result, I’m missing out on most of the beauty of the process. Since reading this book, I’ve done way more pointless writing and painted several more useless paintings. And that’s wonderful.

If I had to sum it up, this book basically says get over yourself and go make something. Creativity will come and go, and if you’re not willing to nurture it and give it a safe place to live, it’ll go somewhere else. Fear of failure or ridicule is within most of us, and if we’re not careful, we’ll let that fear take over our lives. I wrote a bit about my fear of painting recently and that revelation came from this book.

All in all, I think this book gave me the kick in the ass I needed. It reminded me that nothing has to be perfect. It showed me that I am often afraid of my creativity and that I shouldn’t be. It taught me that inspiration and creativity are magical gifts and that I should pay attention to and nurture those regularly. It was encouraging, real, and uplifting. Actually, I might read it again!

P.S. I took this photo in the bookstore because I read it on my iPad. Which do you prefer – real books or digital? I can’t decide!

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