Tag Archives: 2016

What To Do After a Flood

August 18, 2016 Pamela Stephens

Right now a large portion of South Louisiana sits under water. Just mere months ago, North Louisiana experienced the same trauma, and even though Matthew and I have made it through the hardest parts, the pain/fear/uncertainty/stress still feels fresh. A few weeks into the rebuilding process, I joked that I could now write a manual on “what to do in a flood.” Now, when so many of our friends are suffering through the same things we did, the idea struck that I should actually jot down a few pointers from our experience. Keep in mind, every situation/insurance and mortgage company is different, so these tips are based solely on our experience and could vary based on each individual situation.

Here’s what we did:

Start a “flood notebook.” You are about to be bombarded with information, phone numbers, policy numbers, deadlines, etc. and you’ll want all of that information in one place. My flood notebook was attached to me at all times during the first 3+ months and every bit of information was kept there.
Contact your insurance company. If you have flood insurance, file a claim immediately. With a disaster of this nature, insurance adjusters will be swamped and you want to get on the books ASAP. If your cars were damaged, you’ll need to file separate claims for those. (Remember to be nice to everyone you speak to. They want to help you.)
Contact your mortgage company. If you have a mortgage on the property, you’ll need to let the mortgage holder know. They’ll be a part of the rebuilding process and you’ll most likely have to run funds through them to rebuild. Also, they’ll possibly delay your house payments for a few months to help out until you sort things out. (Be mindful that these payments will probably all become due at the end of the delay period. They’re most likely not doing away with those payments – just delaying.)
Register on disasterassistance.gov. We did not register with FEMA at first because we thought they wouldn’t help since we had flood insurance. That’s not true. Register anyway. There’s most likely things your insurance won’t pay for and FEMA can help with that. If you do not have flood insurance, register right away!! This will most likely be your best form of assistance.
Take lots and lots of photos. Hundreds. Thousands. You can’t have too many. Take photos in all rooms, from all angles. Inside closets. Inside cabinets and drawers. YOU CANNOT HAVE TOO MANY PHOTOS.
Find a more permanent place to stay. We were overly ambitious and thought we’d be back home in 3-4 months. We were home before most of our neighbors/friends and it still look way longer than expected. You’re about to be stressed to the max and pushed to limits you’ve never been before. Find a place to retreat. My suggestion would be to plan for something stable for at least 6 months. This way, you’ll be less stressed when you experience delays or bumps in the road.
Delay/pause your excess utilities. You won’t be using a lot of your excess things like cable, internet, alarm services, etc. for a bit so if you can, pause or cancel those temporarily. Some will be great about this, some won’t. Just save where you can. For internet, for example, it didn’t make sense to cancel so we just dropped it down to the very basic plan. Our alarm company let us disconnect and easily reconnect when we were back home.
Call your cell service provider. If you begin to run low on data/service, you can call and ask for help. Once the area is declared a natural disaster, some providers will extend your limits for the month so you’re able to make those important calls, etc.
Write down people to thank in your flood notebook. I kept a running list of those who helped so I could thank them when things settled. (I still have some cards to send.) There is no possible way you’ll remember everyone so start writing down names immediately. And believe me, you’ll want to thank those people. These people will literally be your heroes.

Once the water is out of the house, here’s some things to do next:

Take more photos. If you took photos while the water was inside the house, take more with the water gone. Be sure to document any visible water lines. Again, be sure to get inside all cabinets and drawers. You want a record of everything in the house.
Remove any and everything that is salvageable. If it is dry, pack it up and find a place to store it. This is very important – DO NOT PUT ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY DAMP INTO A BOX WITH DRY ITEMS. If you do, you’ll have lost everything in the box by the time you’re able to unpack it. If you think clothes can be saved, launder them immediately. Remember, it’s not just rain water you’re dealing with here. If it’s dry, get it out immediately and keep it separate from anything wet. If it didn’t get touched by water, insurance probably will not cover it. Save it if you can.
Pull anything wet out outside. You want to get everything out that’s holding water. Carpet and rugs need to be pulled ASAP. They hold water in the house, so remove them as soon as possible.
Make note of EVERYTHING, big and small, that’s tossed. As you take something out, write it down. I bought several yellow notepads and some of the girls helping us stood by the doors, making note of everything that was tossed. This will be a LIFESAVER when you go to inventory things for insurance. The more pictures and notes you have, the better. You’ll want to write down the model/serial number of appliances and the other can be general notes…anything that helps trigger your memory of what the item was. It would also help if whoever is writing in that notepad would include their name. That way, if you have questions later, you’ll know who to ask. Also, know how many notepads you have going so you can be sure one doesn’t get misplaced.
If there’s furniture that you think you can save, clean it immediately, especially before you put it into storage. If it’s upholstered or cloth, it’s probably not salvageable. If it’s cheap furniture or not real wood, you should probably toss it. Anything that’s real wood (antique furniture, etc.) might survive if you clean it and get it dried out immediately. We wiped everything single thing that we thought could be saved vigorously with Lysol/Clorox wipes and let it dry before storing it. Some survived. Some didn’t. Again, be careful storing anything wet because it could ruin everything around it. NOTE: Some real wood items might have faux wood backs, etc. If so, rip those off and try to save the rest. You can add a new back later. Just clean it really, really good.
If you don’t have a dumpster, make piles within 10 feet of the edge of the road. It’s going to be a while before they can pick these items up, so put them as far out of your way as you can. If you have someone with a trailer or dumpster, these are good options too. If not, make piles close enough to the road that the trash collectors can legally pick it up and far enough back that it won’t fall into the road.
Begin pulling out sheetrock/insulation. The amount of water you had inside will determine how much sheetrock needs to be removed. Usually, it’s done in 2 or 4 feet increments. It’ll be easier to replace that way. At a minimum, pry away the baseboards. Usually, there’s a gap at the bottom of the sheetrock that’ll allow air to start flowing within the walls. If there’s not a gap or you can’t remove baseboards, knock holes along the bottom of the sheetrock with a hammer. This will allow some airflow. If you’re doing demo yourself, wear gloves. Get gloves for anyone helping you. Pull up flooring, pull out sheetrock, wet cabinets, appliances, etc. Note: It’s ok to do these items before the adjusters come AS LONG AS YOU’VE TAKEN A TON OF PHOTOS. Some people are afraid to start and there’s actually probably a clause in your insurance policy somewhere that says you’ll do everything you can to “maintain the integrity of the home.” In this case, it means getting it dry ASAP. The insurance company will be very unhappy if you simply leave it until the adjuster comes and you’ll only cause more problems that way.
Hire a professional water remediation specialist. These folks will be swarming your area soon and a lot of them do demo too. We used Clean Master and Service Master is another good one. They’ll professionally dry the home once it’s demoed and treat the studs etc. for mold. You’ll want to hold on to the “dry logs” they provide you because insurance will want them and they’ll be handy when/if you sell the home in the future.
Accept help. There will most likely be church groups and volunteers everywhere offering help, food, or supplies. This is not the time to be prideful. These people want to help. Let them. You’ll need strength later, I promise. (Just remember to make a note of who helped in your notebook.)
Choose a good contractor. Your mortgage company will most likely require a licensed contractor to oversee the reconstruction. Pick a good one. The good ones will book up fast, so call as soon as you can. Ask around for suggestions. Listen to reviews. Be sure not to choose a crappy or unreliable contractor.
Be wary of poachers and scammers. Within hours, you’ll notice people scoping your trash piles and offering services with hand-written business cards. Accept help from others, yet be cautious of people just trying to make a buck from a bad situation. Don’t leave valuables outside, especially not near the trash pile. You might also have investors make offers on your property as-is. This isn’t always a bad deal…just be sure you aren’t taken advantage of. If you have questions about this, contact me.
Save all receipts. All of them. Anything you buy or pay for right now should be documented. In addition to my flood notebook, I bought an accordion file to keep all paperwork in one spot.

And a few more practical/sanity related tips:

If you’re not attached to an item, do not save it. Now is not the time to save anything that doesn’t mean something to you or than you don’t need. Storage will be scarce and once you’re ready to move back in, you won’t want to clutter your new, pretty home with old junk. If it’s damaged or if you don’t love or need it, get rid of it now.
If there’s an area of the house or items that are important to you, have someone close to you work in that room. My closest friends/family worked in my closet because they knew better how to handle those personal items. They also knew to just toss what was ruined without me seeing it (after writing it on the damaged inventory) because that was easier than me having to face that item at that moment.
If photos got wet, pull what you can apart gently and lay them out to dry ASAP. They won’t be perfect, but you might can salvage some this way. I also had friends help with this task so maybe I wouldn’t even remember photos that had to be tossed.
And possibly most importantly, remember that this sucks and it’ll be really, really tough. However, IT’S TEMPORARY. You won’t have to live this way forever and someday things will level back out. I think that the only way I kept my sanity is by constantly reminding myself that I can handle anything for a limited amount of time, and this nightmare is just temporary. As with any situation, it is what you make of it. It sucks and if you let yourself wallow in that, you’ll only make the process worse. It can be positive or negative…you decide your outlook.
When the new wears off and the volunteers go back to work, you’ll feel the most alone you’ve ever felt in your life. However, there’s a group of us out there that will be constantly thinking about you and cheering you on. I’ll be constantly thinking about you and cheering you on. And I know that you’ll pull through. You’ll come out on the other side with a new perspective on life and you’ll feel invincible. I promise.

These steps are not something I worked on for weeks and I haven’t even proofread. The thought just came to me to share my tips in case it helped just one person find their way in this tough time. I wish I had someone to reply on for instruction when this tragedy first happened to us. If you have questions, feel free to ask. I’m happy to help in any way that I can!

I haven’t shared much yet, but you can find some of our story here or check the #100daysofrebuilding hashtag on Instagram. If you’re struggling today, know that I feel your pain and I’m on this journey with you.

Much love, Pamela

EDIT 8/19/16:
Call the tax assessor. This isn’t something that needs to be done right away. However, make a note to call them when you have time. They’ll keep a tally of damaged homes and this is how they’ll determine whether tax breaks can be given for the year. (Thanks, Madeline, for this reminder.)

*These thoughts and suggestions are all my own. I’m not a professional, nor are these hard and fast rules. This is just my experience and what I did to survive it.
**The last, overhead photo was taken via drone by a neighbor.

Four Years!

July 28, 2016 Pamela Stephens

Today is our FOUR YEAR wedding anniversary. I can honestly say that this third year that we’re wrapping up has been one of the toughest yet. Along with some bold business moves allowing Matthew to come work with me full time, our home also flooded. That alone, has tried and tested us more than you could ever imagine. Without a doubt, our marriage and our relationship will be stronger because of it, and I’m certain that we’ll see more tough times along the way. Looking back on the last several months, I feel pretty certain that I couldn’t have tackled this struggle with anyone else. Even when we disagree (and by disagree, I mean stand firmly on the POLAR OPPOSITE ends of a spectrum), we still make an awesome team.

Usually, we try to take big adventures and explore new territories when we travel. Instead, this year, we’re going to unplug. We’re going somewhere quiet where there’s nothing to explore or rush off to. We’re going to rest, relax, and rejuvenate after the tough 5 months we’ve had. After all, we’re going to need some energy to finish this fight!

The photos above are from our wedding shoot, first, second, and third anniversaries. If you’d like to see what we did on these anniversaries, click the corresponding numbers. Here are anniversaries 1 / 2 / 3!

Leave a comment Marriage 2016 - anniversary - husband and wife

The Fear of the Tunnel

June 1, 2016 Pamela Stephens

The house (read: temporary duplex) is quiet around me. It’s somewhat of a somber day, cloudy with very little sunshine coming through the windows. I’m half way through my cup of coffee have a general plan mapped out for the day. I find myself lingering at the table, knowing that I should start getting ready for the day. Something holds me in my seat. Something other than laziness. I just don’t feel like the morning is finished. I decide to try writing, something that once felt like a regular part of my morning routine and now feels a bit foreign and unfamiliar.

Usually when I write, I have a particular goal in mind. I’m going to flush out a story or share some sort of self-discovery. I determined a bit ago that writing is what I do to clear my mind and process my thoughts. I usually do this writing via an app on my iPhone so that I can curl up somewhere comfortable. Today, I bring the laptop to the table. I suppose I feel the need to call more attention to this time. I need to do something to force the words out of me.

I haven’t written freely in months. Before the flood, I wrote something nearly every day and shared a post on the blog twice a week. Like clockwork. I hadn’t missed a Monday or a Thursday without a post. The rest of the writing just lived there on my phone, either to later be merged into something else or to just live there and maybe be reflected on later. Since the flood, I’ve posted here a couple of times and nothing other than a few mere paragraphs have been forcefully put into that iPhone app. I’m nearing three months of not writing regularly. It’s no wonder that my mind feels a little clogged and confused.

So today, realizing that this therapeutic habit of mine has both unintentionally and intentionally been abandoned, I sit down to write. It feels a little foreign and yet like home at the same time. I’m able to string together sentences more easily today than I was a month ago. Still, the sentences seem to have no purpose. Nonetheless, I continue to write. Maybe a purpose will come. Maybe it won’t. Either way, I need to get reacquainted with the thoughts in my head. I need to be reintroduced to my true self. Myself before the chaos ensued.

I think back to a photo I took in Kiroli Park. I believe this area of the trail is called the Swamp Walk and a tunnel of sorts presents itself along the path. I’ve found great therapy on these trails lately…walking both casually and with fever for exercise. I listen to podcasts and unplug from the world around me for a bit. Being in nature has always centered me, and I’m thankful to have Kiroli Park to help diffuse the chaos right now.

Back to the tunnel. I snapped a photo of the tunnel, as I’ve done practically every other angle of the park. And today, as I think of that photo, I conjure up a bit of symbolism for where I am today. I think I even made reference to a tunnel in one of my last posts. I see myself standing on the outside of this tunnel, knowing that I want to go on through, but maybe being afraid to take those first steps. The tunnel at Kiroli Park obviously isn’t dark and scary, but for now it’s serving as an example. Right now, as we’re wrapping up the last few weeks of the rebuilding process (hopefully), it feels a little scary. I know that by simply taking the steps and pushing through the dark tunnel, we’ll come out on the other side. However, I’m afraid of what might be waiting just outside those tunnel walls.

Within the next few weeks, our vision for the rebuild will come to life. Good or bad, it will become a reality. Within the next few weeks, we’ll retrieve what we saved from storage to finally know what we were able to salvage and what we weren’t. Within the next few weeks, we’ll have to come face to face with the quantity of what was lost. Or what was damaged in the hurried move. And within the next few weeks, if our home doesn’t actually get “finished,” we’ll be homeless again.

As I sit here, writing about seemingly nothing, I realize that while I’m eager to be home again, I’m also afraid to step into that tunnel of the last stages. I’m afraid of everything listed above and in the back of my mind, I know that some of the hardest struggles of this process are still yet to come. So I resist the tunnel a bit. Even though I want to walk through, I find myself standing forcefully on the other side…just needing a little push to go forward. I need to shift my thoughts to the positive ones. I need to focus on the good. I need to be brave instead of fearful. I need to take one, tiny step at a time and just go. I can’t actually delay the passing of time or reframe reality, and I don’t even want to. I just need to move. I think that’s how you survive in life, after all. You bob and weave, dodging the punches and you move. You can’t stay still. It’s in the stillness that the negativity will consume you. You just push forward, no matter how badly you want to stop. And that’s why today, I’ll begin that journey through the tunnel in my mind. And within weeks, I’ll be on the other side, facing a new reality.

2 Comments Our First House #mapfirsthouse - 2016 - flood

Currently.

April 11, 2016 Pamela Stephens

I’ve seen these “currently” posts all over the Internet and I’ve always loved them. It’s no secret that @elisejoy’s were always my favorite. Considering the awkward spot of life we’re in right now, I thought this might be a great time to try one of my own. So here goes.

Currently I am:
rebuilding my house.

taking pictures of all the flowers.

thrilled that there’s Sheetrock back on my walls. (Seriously, so encouraging.)

choosing paint colors like its my job.

learning to live comfortably in a camper.

trying to find my words again.

being thankful for a place to live, for the opportunity to rebuild, and for amazing friends/family and strangers.

working hard and fast.

stalking Emily Henderson’s blog for design ideas.

adjusting to 1,000 new things and emotions.

driving my car with the sunroof open and music up loud. (Not right this second, obviously.)

enjoying little tiny moments that might have otherwise slipped by.

growing a real estate business.

eating way too much ice cream.

loving the warm sunshine.

embarking upon a few new adventures, in spite of the madness.

sending so many thank you cards.

waiting excitedly on the new season of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

These are just a few of the things I’m doing currently. It’s no secret that our lives were turned upside down after the flood and for a bit, I struggled to bounce back. Each day it gets easier, and though I’m not back in a routine and my writing has suffered tremendously, I’m back at work and back at life. Each day gets a little easier and each day I feel a little more like my real self. We’re slowly finding our new normal. We appreciate the well wishes through the flood and for understanding as things have been a bit harder lately. Currently, I’m thankful to be deep into the recovery stage where I finally feel my head’s above water…both literally and figuratively, I suppose.

Since I’ve strayed from my regular Monday/Thursday blog posting schedule, feel free to keep up via Instagram @pamelapetrus for now.

2 Comments Our First House #mapfirsthouse - 2016 - Currently - flood

Bonnie & Clyde in Colorado

March 3, 2016 Pamela Stephens

Vacations are wonderful and lovely. Especially when it’s to somewhere that you’ve never been and you get to do something new and exciting. Until someone gets the flu. That’s definitely a game changer.

Matthew and I headed out for Colorado with our favorite travel buddies, his grandparents. (They’re who we trekked around Alaska with this last summer.) Pagosa Springs is a 19 hour drive from our home in North Louisiana and we broke the drive up a bit by staying with Matthew’s mom and stepdad in Texas. It was a win-win for family time! Both Matthew and I were very excited about the trip because he hadn’t skied in many years and I’d never been. I’d also never seen “real”‘snow piled on the ground or fluttering through the air. We just don’t see that type of weather in Louisiana. That’s strange for me to realize since I’m quite the traveler. Nonetheless, we were pumped about the trip and couldn’t wait to enjoy three full days of skiing in Colorado. And then Matthew got the flu.

We went up on the mountain on Monday and Matthew felt terrible after just a few passes down the mountain. We were certain that he had altitude sickness so he rested in the car while we skied a bit more. The next day, he stayed behind to rest in hopes that he would feel well enough to hit the slopes on our last day. As the day progressed, he felt worse and worse and spiked a fever, so I tracked down a local nurse practitioner for him to see. (A huge shout out to Susan Kuhns at Pagosa Health and Wellness for staying late and helping us out. She was awesome.) When we presented his list of symptoms to her, it was pretty clear that we were dealing with the flu. She gave us meds (including some preventative options for me) and we stocked up on all things flu related at the local Wal-Mart. In all honesty, I’ve never been more excited to see a Wal-Mart stocked with wellness items AND a friendly staff. If you saw the contents of my buggy, you would have known that we were fighting something nasty – Lysol, Lysol wipes, thermometer, vitamin C – the works. From what we can gather, Matthew must have been exposed to and fought off the flu virus and the altitude sickness weakened his immune system allowing the virus to take hold. To say that it wasn’t how we expected to spend our few days in Colorado, is definitely an understatement.

As I sat in our dark hotel room, preparing Easy Mac in the hotel’s microwave, I realized that I felt like we were Bonnie and Clyde. We were hidden away in this room, unable to go outside for fear of being found. The blinds were closed and we seemed to have no connection with the outside world. Matthew and I chuckled over this realization and as he apologized for “ruining our vacation,” I assured him that it wasn’t ruined…we would just leave with a different type of memory than what we originally planned.

Despite the sudden illness, I did get to learn to ski and enjoy the snow a bit. On the first day, I went to ski school to learn the basics. Matthew’s grandparents are both great skiers, so I also had them to learn from. I was happy to report that I picked it up rather quickly and didn’t even fall the first day! The second day brought with it some challenges, as is was snowing rather heavily and the slopes were a bit crunchy/icy. I fell twice on Tuesday…nothing too dramatic though. I did end up in a bit of a tough spot once though. I came down the mountain a bit faster than I anticipated and missed the turn to go my usual route. Instead, I ended up at the top of a much steeper slope than I felt comfortable with. I stood there at the top, literally afraid to move. Luckily, Matthew’s grandfather was with me and showed me how to slide down gently. I’m usually pretty brave; however, I knew I wouldn’t successfully navigate that slope. Before Pappaw showed me a trick to get down, I was seriously considering calling a helicopter come pick me up! The moral of this story is to try not to get yourself onto a slope you’re not comfortable with!

Even though our trip didn’t turn out like we planned, I loved the beautiful scenery and the snow. After this trip, I feel like I could live somewhere where it snows and love it! The snow-covered trees and mountains were simply gorgeous and I’m so glad we had the opportunity to experience them for a bit.

Until we meet again Colorado! Next time we’ll come without the flu.

Leave a comment Travel #mapcolorado - 2016

What is good?

February 29, 2016 Pamela Stephens

I recently read this post and I basically want to rearrange all of the words and share the exact same things here. It’s so. good. In a response to the troubled artist, the writer tells her to stop obsessing over what others think of her work. Instead, she tells her to “Create! Call it good! Rest!”

She says:

“God created the seas. God called it good.

God created the land. God called it good.

God created the animals. God called it good.

God created light. God called it good.

God rested.”

I realized that I’ve been skipping that “good” phase. As I’m writing myself, I either over-analyze every single word or I just release it, imperfect into the wild, hoping no one sees that one. Whether they’re perfectly crafted or not, I always worry to death over how someone will take those words. What will they think? Will they misunderstand? Will they completely disagree or deduce that I’m some sort of reckless monster? I worry and stew and try to protect my art, much like the jaded artist from the post. I’m skipping the “good” phase.

The writer here says that inspiration comes to us. We get it out of us as quickly as possible. Then we “work” to finesse it. We tighten our sentences or add extra strokes. Our next step should be to “call it good” and walk away. The thought of that feels so foreign to me and brings me to my next thought.

What is good?

The first definition of the word good is “to be desired or approved of.” How fitting for this topic! If we simply followed that definition, having our own approval would be “good.” We could walk away. Instead, we tend to want to obsess over how the world will rank our work. We mull it over, keep tweaking things, and then once it’s finally released, we wait anxiously to see how it’s received. Sometimes we defend negative comments or spend time explaining our reasoning. We worry. And we don’t rest.

I began to wonder what my process would look like if I truly followed the steps above. Rather than worrying once my art is released, what if I just called it done. What if I called it good? In this case, good doesn’t have to mean perfect. It’s doesn’t have to mean accepted by all or revered by many. Good just means done. “It is good” means that the inspiration has come, work has been done, and it is finished. At that point, the product is no longer mine to obsess over. I’ve done my job. I’ve accepted the challenge, worked it out to the best of my ability, and that’s the end of my job as an artist.

Create. Call it good. And rest.

I wrote similar thoughts about painting right before reading this post. You can read those here.

Leave a comment Inspiration & Thoughts 2016 - creativity

Things I’m Loving Right Now.

February 22, 2016 Pamela Stephens

Hey everyone! I didn’t properly introduce myself last week. My name is Ashlee. I am friends with Pamela and I also work for her. She gave me the opportunity to guest post here last Monday (you can read that post here) and she is also letting me guest post this Monday. Your regularly scheduled Pamela posts will come back soon, I promise.

Pamela and I both are list people. We value a good to-do list, a call list (inside joke, but I couldn’t resist), I even love a good pro-con list. I like to think I’m very Rory Gilmore in that sense. So I thought it would be fun to share a list of things that I am loving right now (or looking forward to). Ready? Here goes nothing:

Oh, The Places You’ll Go! by Dr. Seuss. Don’t ever let my age fool you, I’m a child at heart. I also L O V E words and what they can do. This book was given to me when I graduated high school and I recently picked up another copy to gift to someone. I sat at Starbucks reading my children’s book this weekend and I just thought to myself, “EVERYONE needs to read this!! It is SO GOOD!” So, go pick up a copy. I got this one for $10 at Target. Read it yourself, then one day when you don’t need its wisdom share it with someone else who does.
Insta Dri Nail Polish in Slick as Slate has been gracing my fingers and toes for weeks now. I take it off just to put it back on. In high school I was all funky colors. I wanted lime green toes and bright blue fingers. I definitely still have that same taste and get a little crazy with my nail color sometimes, but I’m trying to streamline my nails more so lately. After three consecutive weddings in the fall and so much nude nail polish, I kind of fell in love with gray. It goes with everything and it’s still kind of fun. It’s not black but it still gives the same vibes. Summer is coming quickly and I’m sure I’ll break out the pinks and blues but for a couple of more weeks, I’m going to rock that gray.
Mid-Rise Super Skinny Jeans (Dark Wash) are my favorite jeans. I went to a high school where it was a rule to tuck in your shirt and so I have boycotted the idea of tucked in anything for the past five years. But after I bought these jeans I saw someone tuck in a shirt to some high-waisted jeans. I thought it was super cute, so I tried it with these and I loved it. A cute blue and white striped blouse tucked in with my beige cardigan, these jeans and some cute shoes….I feel less frumpy and more together. Plus these jeans dress up better than almost any other pair of jeans I’ve had. (*Note: jeans can only be so dressy, I’m learning.)
One Tree Hill is one of the few TV shows I am watching right now. Usually I limit myself to investing in one show at a time. I don’t want to spend ridiculous amounts of time watching television; I would rather be doing about eight million other things. However, I usually have one on hand to relax and let my mind be distracted with. OTH is one of my favorites. This is my first time watching it from Season 1 all the way through. What a journey it has been! I wasn’t allowed to watch it when it was airing on TV but I would still sneak it in sometimes. I’ve always loved it but there’s something nice about returning to Tree Hill every once in a while. #Nathan&HaleyForever #BDavisIsAGirlBoss
Friends is another TV show. I said in the last point that I only watch one show at a time but right now I’m watching a few. Well Friends is one of the others. I have never watched this show. Maybe one or two random episodes, but I didn’t like them. After a long weekend in Dallas with some friends, I came home obsessed with the show. I took every Friends quiz to see which character I am and who my Friends soulmate is (Chandler. Of course.). Have I mentioned that I’m only 22?! This show came out six days prior to my first birthday. Oh how I love it now though!
This workout has kicked my butt and it has been awesome! For the next few days after doing it, every laugh hurt so bad that I would say “OUCH!”. Pamela asked me if I had broken a rib and not told anyone. It was an intense workout, but so good. I typically just run and do some bodyweight training. This shook up my routine and I definitely didn’t hate it. Working out is fun to me and I love the satisfaction of being sore later and this one didn’t leave me disappointed there. I made some modifications where it called for dumbbells since I didn’t have any. For the plank rows, I used books (Insurgent and Allegiant to be precise). Then for the dumbbell crunches I instead did the superman yoga pose. It was so challenging but I can’t wait to do it again!
Warm weather, sunshine and flowers mean summer is coming. I was made for warm weather and sunshine. As I’ve gotten older I have been able to more greatly appreciate the other seasons too, but still, my heart beats for 80+ degree days and sunshine. I am anxiously awaiting the days of cute shorts and warm summer nights. I want ALL of the flowers. I want to plant flowers in pots. I want them in vases in my house. I want to pick them and smell them all. I also just want to lay in the sunshine all day. Is this too much to ask?
13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi is my favorite new movie. I can definitively say this because I have been to the movies at least once a week since the new year almost without fail. I have seen a lot of movies so far this year and this has been my favorite. This is not a big shocker at all to anyone who knows me. The movie was just very real, very honest and I think it honored the men who served there in Benghazi. Definitely worth watching.

These are some of my favorite things right now. What are some of yours? What is inspiring you right now?

Guest post by Ashlee Matthews from https://www.lovepeoplewell.com

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Book Review: Big Magic

February 18, 2016 Pamela Stephens

Let’s talk about Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. You may recognize the author from her best-seller Eat Pray Love. Her newest book, Big Magic, has taken the creative world by storm. It’s shown up on practically every must-read list and you’ll see perfectly styled photos of it on almost every creative’s Instagram. With good reason.

I have a tendency to not want to “finish” books that I really love. I hate feeling like its over! I’ll save one chapter or at least several pages so that I don’t have to close the door on the experience. The Nester mentioned this recently and I felt a lot less like a weirdo because of it. Despite my desire to “save” the ending, I finished Big Magic.

If you practice creativity in any sort of way, this is a must-read. Gilbert’s thoughts on how creativity comes to be and how it should be treated are life changing. As I read along, I realized I have been approaching my own creativity in the wrong way. Here are my biggest takeaways from the book:

Creativity is a gift to us, not to our audience. I realized that, especially with my writing, I always work with the audience in mind. I write such that they can hopefully take something away…be inspired or feel a part of something. Instead, I should be writing for me – writing to process my thoughts or get that big idea out there – not such that my audience is affected.
Creative living shouldn’t be hard or emotionally challenging. In the book, Gilbert frequently talked about the troubled artist, the martyr that sacrifices their own well-being for their art. She talked about those dark and troubled makers who think they can’t be creative without a life filled with turmoil. Gilbert’s take on creativity is purely the opposite. She said that if creating doesn’t bring your joy, then you should abandon it. I don’t live a “troubled” life, yet I do worry to death over how well I do things. Rather than worrying about the result, the feedback, or the end game. I just need to create, put it out there, and be done.
“This is a world, not a womb.” Gilbert takes a pretty no-nonsense stance against being susceptible to the criticism of others. She says we’re all entitled to our own opinions and undoubtedly someone’s will be different than ours. Without doubt, someone out there will truly dislike your work. That’s not what matters though. As creative livers, our job is still to create. Our job is not to coddle those who don’t agree or explain our rationalization. We must just simply create. And most importantly, we must do so with the understanding that not everyone will like it and that’s perfectly okay.
I hold on to the results much too tightly. In the past, I’ve always created with an end game in mind. If I’m writing, it’s with the hopes that it becomes an awesome blog post. If I’m painting, it’s with the intention of having some lovely art to fill a spot on the wall. I seldom create just do stretch my creative limits. By focusing so heavily on the result, I’m missing out on most of the beauty of the process. Since reading this book, I’ve done way more pointless writing and painted several more useless paintings. And that’s wonderful.

If I had to sum it up, this book basically says get over yourself and go make something. Creativity will come and go, and if you’re not willing to nurture it and give it a safe place to live, it’ll go somewhere else. Fear of failure or ridicule is within most of us, and if we’re not careful, we’ll let that fear take over our lives. I wrote a bit about my fear of painting recently and that revelation came from this book.

All in all, I think this book gave me the kick in the ass I needed. It reminded me that nothing has to be perfect. It showed me that I am often afraid of my creativity and that I shouldn’t be. It taught me that inspiration and creativity are magical gifts and that I should pay attention to and nurture those regularly. It was encouraging, real, and uplifting. Actually, I might read it again!

P.S. I took this photo in the bookstore because I read it on my iPad. Which do you prefer – real books or digital? I can’t decide!

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Creativity: Why We’re All Creative

February 11, 2016 Pamela Stephens

This post is for my “non-creative” friends. I’m currently reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, and it’s so inspiring! If I had to sum up what I’ve read so far it would be, “get over yourself and go make something.” That’s probably just the message that I need to receive. It’s probably completely different from what others are taking away.

Nonetheless, as I read this book I’m realizing that creativity is so subjective. Not only is it subjective, it also varies with great intensity. So often I’ve been told, “you’re so creative,” followed by “I’m just not that creative.” I have always been flattered by that compliment, yet I’ve also always been taken back by it. I don’t consider myself to be “creative” in the sense that the word is always used, and I’ve never liked how the term separates people, firmly on one side or another – creative or not creative. While flattering, I’ve always felt that this compliment put a divide between me and the one speaking it.

As I read through Gilbert’s thoughts on creativity, I realize that we’re all creative. If you’re shaking your head in dismissal, keep reading. The thing about creativity is, it’s not some God-given right of passage that a lucky few are bequeathed. Instead, I think it’s a learned skill and a mindset. Bear with me here.

Sometimes we tend to group people into categories based on our limited information. However, I don’t think we can label someone as creative or not creative. Instead, I think creativity is about trying something. It’s about making something. And most importantly, it doesn’t matter if it’s “good” or “bad.” You see, sometimes we determine someone’s talents based upon how the masses react to their work. That’s insanely incorrect. Our job – all of us – is to create things based on our abilities and put it out there in the world. Some things will be revered by many and some will go unnoticed. The level of fame achieved by our work is not what determines its importance.

Furthermore, creativity isn’t just making world-renowned paintings. It’s not sewing a perfect stitch or designing a beautiful room. Instead, creativity is about making shit happen. All sorts of shit, actually. We mistakenly assume that creativity lies solely in the arts, and therefore if we aren’t master painters, then in turn we’re not creative. I must call bullshit here. Someone’s creativity might be communicated through painting. Yours might be in how you parent. It might be in how you dress. It might be in how you prepare tasty, low calorie desserts. It might be in how you rigged that shower head to not whistle anymore under pressure. Creativity can be anything! It’s a lifestyle and it’s something we all have access to.

On the flip side, I don’t think that we all exemplify creativity in our daily lives. For those of us who attempt artistic tasks, our creativity is a little more noticeable. However, just like any other skill, creativity must be practiced. We must train our minds to pay attention to our creative ideas and most importantly, we must continue to practice when our first creative attempts are a flop. Not everything we do will develop as we saw it in our heads. Not everything will cause you to walk away proudly. The trick here is to keep using your creativity anyway. Statistics say that you have to get it right eventually! The more we practice, the better we’ll become.

For me personally, my creativity is less about making wonderful works of art and more about just doing things. I just put words on paper (or a screen, rather). I sometimes throw paint on a canvas or draw things. More importantly though, I stack things together until they make sense to me. I just do things. I figure out ways to make things happen. If I need to reach a top shelf, I find some stuff to stand on. If I need to get 12 things done when there’s only time for 8, I find a way to make the remaining 4 things happen. I am proud to say that my creativity is less about my artistic endeavors and more about how I live my daily life. Creativity is not a room in which we can put the painters and crafters and designers. Creativity is a way of living life. It’s a way to make magical things happen, both on a legit canvas and the figurative canvas of life. It’s not reserved for the select few. It’s for all of us to use as we will. It’s not something that often happens magically though. It’s a learned skill, a way of life if you will. And it’s up to you whether you want to tap into your well of creativity or not.

Today, I’m waging a war against “creativity” as we know it. I forge this war in hopes that everyone will realize that there’s creativity of some sort within all of us. It may not be technically artistic, yet there’s a way in which we can all lead creative lives.

Go forth and do something creative! It could be as simple as sprinkling a new spice in your casserole or mixing a color/pattern that you haven’t tried before. I’m not asking you to rival Picasso; I’m just encouraging you to do something simple to tap into your creative ability.

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Steroids.

February 8, 2016 Pamela Stephens

This past Thursday I got a steroid shot and per usual, I was awake all night. As I laid in bed and catnapped, I had a few thoughts. First of all, I’m super glad that I went on to the doctor early. He said this crummy feeling and annoying cough is going to hang around for at least a week. Not cool, sickness. Nonetheless, I knew that I’d be wide awake that night as soon as I felt that lovely prick in my hip. Steroid shots burn, y’all. For real.

Here are some miscellaneous thoughts I had as I lied awake Thursday night:

I love being awake when the rest of the world is asleep. For me, there’s something so relaxing about knowing no one is going to bother me for a bit. On the contrary, being asleep when the rest of the world is awake gives me quite a bit of anxiety. One of my more thought-provoking pieces was written about these late night hours. And another one.
I tend to be super creative and inspired during these hours. My thoughts and imagination run wild and some of my most creative ideas and breakthroughs have happened when I should have been sleeping. I tend to have to weed out the crazy stuff after I’ve had some sleep though. Not everything I churn out under the influence of delusion makes sense.
I’m much more more bold and brave during these hours. I’ll comment on a stranger’s post, encourage someone that I might have thought twice about normally, and write more “real” things when I’m awake late at night. If only I kept up that courage all the time..
I dream during these hours. (Not literally, obviously. This post is about being awake!) I think about the what-ifs and how to make magical things happen. I make plans for putting ideas into action and I often work out kinks in ideas that I haven’t been able to finalize yet. I always feel like I can take on the world during these hours.
My bed feels soooo comfortable. For those times I stay in bed instead of getting up to be productive, I realize just how awesome and cozy my bed is. I feel like it just swallows me up and hugs me. And then I continue to lie there awake.
I almost always want to paint. For some reason, I’m always inspired to paint in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, I’m usually too tired to actually give it a shot. Maybe I should! I could be missing out on some Midnight Masterpieces!
I think about myself more than other people. During the day, my thoughts are usually consumed with other people. Is so-and-so ok? Did I forget to do something for or follow up with someone? Did that person just take my humor in the wrong way? Does someone else need me? During these late nights hours though, I think about myself. My thoughts. My feelings. My dreams and ideas. It’s very refreshing and motivating.
I’ve done this late night thing every now and then since I can remember, even without steroids provoking it. As a girl, I can remember going to my mom and telling her I couldn’t sleep. (She was always awake too, so genetics probably play a part in this.) She would always tell me to “just go rest.” I didn’t usually fall back asleep, though I did feel more rested the next day than if I’d stayed up. Now when I struggle to sleep, I tell myself to “just rest.” That’s what I did on Thursday, which resulted in a series of quick naps throughout the night. At least some sleep is better than no sleep! (My Fitbit says I slept for 2 hours and 21 minutes.)
I feel lucky and thankful and grateful in the middle of the night. Oddly, my thoughts are usually super encouraging and positive late at night. I find myself being thankful for my life, my possessions, and my business. I even begin to appreciate the imperfections! This is another item I’d love to carryover into the daylight hours.
I send all of the emails to my team. I don’t believe it sending business related messages after business hours. (It’s a new thing that I am passionate about…setting boundaries for work and such.) However, when the ideas – the good, the bad, and the ridiculous – are bursting through my mind late at night, I fire away! This is probably a tad overwhelming for my team when they start their work day the next day. I just know that if I don’t send these ideas right then, they’ll have vanished by the morning. Bits of genius only stick around for a moment when they come late at night. And they might be buried among a few absurd options. That’s just how it works.

(Business tip: If you want to go ahead and respond to a business email after hours, type it up and save it in your drafts. Then, send it first thing the next morning. This begins to cultivate a culture of business for you and teaches people when you’ll be available for business discussions. I don’t really care for the term “work-life balance.” Boundaries, however, are important.)

P. S. Someone told me that I should “be a writer” recently and it made my whole week. In reality I am already a writer. However, her insisting that I should be a legit, professional, get-paid-for-it writer was so encouraging and reassuring. It truly means the world to me when you guys comment, mention a specific post, or talk about reading the blog in general. It encourages me more than you know, and I am so appreciative! (I probably shouldn’t have mentioned “being a writer” on this random post. Ha! Oh well. It’s Monday.)