I read a post from a fellow hope*writer about finding our inner child during this crazy time, and it stayed with me all day. I found myself asking silent questions in my mind like:

What did I enjoy doing as a kid?

What do I do for fun now?

Do I even know how to have pure, unadulterated fun?

I think back to my routine before this pandemic hit. My days were always so full. It reminds me of the meme that says adulthood is saying “things will slow down after this week” over and over again until we die. That was my life. 

I keep a pretty full work schedule thankfully. On top of that, I’m always doing this or that and running errands and taking care of my mom and returning calls and we’re moving and we just got married………

And that run-on list doesn’t even include the little things that pop up all along the way like dentist appointments and trips to the vet and the fact that I have two bonus children now.

This is exacerbated by the fact that I’m an Enneagram 3 and my value is all wrapped up in how much work I do and how good of a job I do.

I don’t intend to wear “busy” as a badge of honor and yet somehow, I fill all of my days with something. If it’s not the work that pays my bills, it’s work at home. Right now that looks like unpacking more boxes than I know what to do with and before this last move, it was something else.

Right now, it’s easy to have fun. We are mostly stuck at home and we have to do fun things in order to maintain some sanity. Having just bought this property, with its room to spread out, is such a blessing.

But what about after this all blows over? Is fun still possible then? Has something fundamentally changed with how we operate? Or will we just return to our regularly scheduled programming once government orders are lifted and this quarantine is a thing of the past?

I don’t know the answer to that just yet and I do know that I want to find more fun in all of it. Now and later.

I couldn’t shake this idea of “fun” from my mind. It led me to thoughts of what I really enjoyed as a kid, before I became such an adult. What memories stand out as being the most fun? What did I really enjoy?

The first thing that comes to mind is time spent in the woods. I grew up on 50+ acres in the country where all of the property lines were sort of blurred. I remember setting off in the mornings to just wander around in the woods and fields. I loved seeing where each trail led and imagining who used them and why. I imagined that any moment I’d stumble upon something exciting. I’d pretend to be lost and work to find my way out of the mysterious woods before darkness fell.

I’m sad to report that I never found that buried treasure or hidden stash of contraband that I’d be featured in the local newspaper for finding. Even so, I crossed a lot of little streams and climbed a lot of trees. I ducked under rusty barbed wire fences and hopped over washed out gullies. I didn’t become a local hero for discovering anything new, and all of that time wandering about still seems entirely worth it as I look back on those days. It was simpler times then, for sure.

I remember dragging my friends along to explore those woods, even when they didn’t enjoy the outdoors as much as me. I remember my best friend Candace getting her new shoes muddy in a wet spot and being so afraid she was going to get in trouble. I just really wanted to get to the other side of that little stream. I remember my friend Sarah being a little timid about going deeper into the woods and me convincing her that the Rs in our names stood for “risk taker.” She had 3 Rs in her name and I only had 1. She should certainly be more brave than me, I insisted. What can I say? I’ve always been a negotiator. Or maybe that’s bullying. I’m not quite sure, to be honest.

I did a lot of things as a kid in that small, country town and when I think about my favorites right now, it’s the wandering in those woods that stands out the most. No wonder I love my walks at Kiroli Park so much, or walks anywhere outdoors really. No wonder I agreed to move back to the country for this pond and the surrounding 14 acres.

The more I thought about those times as a kid, the more I realized it was time to explore these new woods of my own. I tasked the kids with a new #magnoliaridgeadventure and we set out to explore the wooded area behind the pond. We used sticks as swords to chop down spider webs in our path and they became the “KidsCon Rangers” since they were wearing matching KidsCon tshirts from church. (Their idea, not mine.) We looked for paths and learned to step on thorny vines to get them out of our way. There was a good bit of singing Frozen 2 songs and I heard mention of a spot where the Trolls might live. The whole adventure lasted under an hour and still, it felt like home to me. It felt so familiar and simple and fun.

As we continue to live through these unprecedented times, I’d encourage you to think about things you did as a child for fun. It seems like the perfect time to sprinkle some of those things into your day. Our calendars are less full than usual and quite frankly, we’re out of most of our excuses for why we don’t enjoy our days. I challenge you to think about this and then do something fun.

This is also the time for us to begin thinking about what we want our lives to look like after the dust settles here. This thought has consumed me lately. It’s causing some underlying anxiety for me, if I’m honest. In a lot of ways, I’m dreading going back to my old way of life. As we hit a big pause button on practically everything, I was forced to really evaluate what daily life looked like before.

What do I miss? What changes have I been grateful for? It’s likely that we’ll never experience a worldwide shift like this again in our lifetimes. We won’t have this opportunity for a reset and to collective stop in our tracks and reevaluate things.

In a lot of ways, I’ve craved this simpler way of doing things. A slower life. It felt impossible until we didn’t have a choice anymore. Now, as I begin to anticipate this pandemic clearing, I am deep in thought about what I want to allow back in, versus what I’d like to see stay as it has been these last few weeks. It’s so much to ponder and I don’t have the answers yet. Before long, I’m sure I’ll take to making colorful lists and for now, I simply invite you to begin pondering these things with me.

What do you find fun? What simple things bring you joy for no other reason than you enjoy them? They’re not side hustles or used for a greater purpose. They’re just fun.

What do you want to allow back into your daily life once our restrictions are lifted? What do you need to continue to eliminate? In what ways can you use this opportunity to reset your standards? What things do you need to be more intentional about moving forward?

I don’t have clear answers to any of this yet and I’ll likely spend a few more weeks in deliberation. I decided to go ahead and share this anyway, in case you’re feeling this anxiety too. I’m sharing this in case you’re like me and began to see new possibilities in all of this.

The one thing I do know already is that I don’t want to waste this opportunity. I don’t want to merely jump back into who I was before. I want to be intentional about who I am and how I operate on the other side of this.

Since I’m still in the weeds on this, I’d love to hear what you guys are thinking! Am I the only one pondering these things?