Category Archives: Inspiration & Thoughts

We could all use a little encouragement every now and then!

How to Start a Capsule Wardrobe

November 12, 2015 Pamela Stephens

The Internet has been buzzing about capsule wardrobes for a while now. If you’re not familiar with the concept, take a gander through this description. Basically, a capsule wardrobe is supposed to ensure that you have only items that you love so that you can create outfits quickly and easily.

At first, I wanted to run the opposite direction from a capsule wardrobe. Not having a ton of options seemed scary and daunting to me. After all, I’d worked for years to build a rather extensive wardrobe and thinning it just felt like such a waste. After I looked in to the KonMari Method, I began to look at my closet differently and got rid of over 5 large bags of clothes. (I went from 44 miscellaneous tshirts to just 20 if that gives you an idea of how much I thinned.) I also pulled out items that didn’t bring me joy, even if I’d spent large amounts of money on them. Once I began looking at things differently, I was housing a lot less clothes in my closet and the concept of a capsule wardrobe didn’t seem so foreign.

Do you have trouble getting dressed in the morning? Do you find yourself wearing the same few items over and over? Do you just need a fresh perspective on what you wear? Maybe a capsule wardrobe is for you. Here’s how to get started:

Create a Pinterest board for styles and outfits that you like. Don’t overthink this step. Pin everything that you like, even if you’re not sure why. If you already have a fashion board, that’s a good place to start. Add more pins based on things that appeal to you. Again, be sure not to spend too much time on this. Scroll and pin without thinking too much about it.
Scroll through the Pinterest board and identify common elements. Scroll through the board you created without focusing too heavily on any one pin. It’s best to do this a day or so after last pinning items. This will help you see the collection as a whole instead of focusing too heavily on what you just pinned. In this step, you’re looking for items that pop up time and time again. Do you see a lot of a similar color? Is it mainly flare jeans or dresses? Are the accessories what seem to stand out most? When you see things popping up over and over again, these will likely be the elements that you want to include in your capsule. Remember, don’t focus too heavily on one item. There will most likely be outliers and maybe you can include elements or use them in a later wardrobe.The main elements I saw in my board were cuffed jeans, blazers, stripes, plaid/flannel, professional-style dresses, and bold accessories. Identifying these as my favorite looks helped me to see why I hadn’t been wearing a lot of my wardrobe (it wasn’t the look I wanted) and to subsequently get rid of a lot of extra baggage.
Clean out your closet. If you haven’t already, get this pared down as much as you can, while keeping in mind the elements you identified from your Pinterest board. Go ahead and get rid of the items that don’t bring you joy or are ill-fitting or tattered. If there’s something you’re not sure you want to part with yet and it doesn’t match your look for this season, put it in a separate pile to be stored and dealt with later. If you miss that item, you can bring it back. If you don’t, then it’s probably time for it to go. The purpose here is to pare down to only the clothes you love.
Buy the missing pieces. Now that you’ve thinned your closet, it’s time to buy the pieces that you’re missing to create the looks from your board. If you identified that you like a lot of looks including a leather jacket and don’t have one, then you need to purchase a leather (or faux leather) jacket. Keep in mind, I’m not suggesting to go out and buy a ton of new clothes. Instead, you’re buying just the key pieces that are missing from the looks you want to create. For me, that meant I needed to look for a plaid button up, ripped jeans, and a neutral blazer. Be careful to not overbuy during this step or you’ll end up defeating the purpose of a capsule.
Create a photo album of outfits or lists. Now that you’ve identified the look you want, pared down your closet, and purchased the key items you were missing, it’s time to create some outfits. If you struggle to find inspiration with your outfits, go ahead and photograph items together or make lists of what you’ll put together. If you struggle to create outfits, make yours very similar to your Pinterest photos. If a photo you pinned has a blue sweater with a brown leather jacket and gold necklace, make your outfit option look just like that. The individual elements don’t have to be identical to recreate the look. The purpose of this step is to eliminate time putting together the outfits if you find that you often get stuck. There are plenty of apps out there that allow you to save outfit details and photos if you’d like to give that a whirl. However you approach it, just remember that this step is here so that you have an immediate idea of how you’ll wear that adorable striped blouse.
Get dressed and look/feel amazing! Creating a capsule wardrobe means doing a bit of work and investing time on the front end. You’re doing this, though, to eliminate time standing in front of the mirror guessing what to wear. You’re also putting in the prep time so that you leave the house feeling amazing everyday instead of bland. By intentionally creating outfits that you love, you ensure that you feel and look you best each and everyday. You save yourself time and frustration getting dressed, and you increase your self confidence dramatically. All of these rewards are entirely worth the time and effort required to get started.I can’t guarantee that starting a capsule will be easy. As a matter of a fact, I’ll warn you that it’s quite difficult. However, I’ll also say that it’s worth it. I firmly believe that we should invest a bit of time (and even money where necessary) to look and feel our best. The benefits of looking and feeling great spill over in to all aspects of life — our careers, relationships, and even our productivity.

That being said, absolutely do not expect to walk into your closet and leave with a perfectly trimmed capsule a few hours later. It’s taken me MONTHS to even gather the courage to try this approach. Then, it took me several weeks to do a bit at a time. It’s not an overnight transition. However, with a bit of dedication and intentionality, you can transform both your appearance, the way you shop, and the way you feel. Is that worth the time required? Absolutely!

P.S. I’m starting to offer personal style consultations again. If you need a bit of guidance or encouragement, email me at pamela AT pamelapetrus DOT com!

3 Things to Consider Before Trying Something New

November 5, 2015 Pamela Stephens

Trying something new or starting a new adventure can absolutely be one of the scariest tasks ever. Sometimes when we start out on a new path, everything feels so uncertain and frightening. However, if you push through that initial fear, wonderful things are usually right around the corner.

In the last several years of my professional career, I’ve launched multiple new projects and businesses. With each new endeavor, I always feel that tinge of fear. So far, I’ve been able to push myself through that and I’m always glad that I did. As I’m on the verge of doing a few new things, I’ve started thinking about how I handle this uncertainty and what I do to push through that part of the process. If you find yourself getting nervous as new opportunities arise, here are some things to consider:

1. Will you regret NOT doing it more than you’d regret any negative outcome? This is my number one motivator when it comes to new projects. Most of the time, we’re secretly afraid of failure. What if it flops? What if it ends badly? I always imagine myself 30 years down the road. If I don’t attempt this new project, will I regret it later? If I avoid something out of fear, will I look back later and wish I would have just sucked it up? If the answer to either of those is yes (and it usually is), then I know I have to push forward.

2. What is the absolute worst thing that can happen? Go wild with this one. Most of the time, the absolute worst thing really isn’t that daunting. Take real estate for example. When I decided to get my license and change careers, it cost me around $2,500 to get stared. If I was terrible at it or hated it, I had only lost $2,500. In the big scheme of things, that’s not too risky, and I wouldn’t be financially crippled for the rest of my life. Realizing that a $2,500 investment (plus my time) was all that I was risking to go after something I’d always wanted, made the risk seem much less daunting.

3. What could the potential outcome be? Let’s switch gears to the opposite end of the spectrum. If everything goes ideally as planned, what will your life look like? What is the best possible outcome? Are you able to envision a better life? Obviously, there’s a chance that things won’t be as glorious as you’re able to imagine. However, there’s also a chance that they could be even better! Sometimes we’re only able to imagine a small portion of the potential that lies ahead. If you can dream of this new adventure creating a life that you love, it’s definitely worth exploring. On the other hand, if you’re not able to see the positive results very clearly, then maybe it’s not the right option for right now. Either way, dreaming about the potential can make you see things more clearly and guide your decisions.

No matter how scary, no matter how elusive, when we continually think and dream about a particular item, it likely means we need to explore it. When our thoughts tend to gravitate towards the same item, our subconscious is probably telling us to explore it. Sometimes these are large, daunting things. Sometimes they’re small and more manageable. Either way, we never know the outcome of something until we give it a shot.

During this stage of my life, I’m committing to chasing those dreams. I’m taking advantage of this life of mine. I’m learning tennis. I’m starting new businesses. I’m making bold decisions in my home. The way I see it, life is much to short to wonder “what if?”

If you’re toying with the idea of doing something new, I hope these few points provide some enlightenment. Think through them, consider the options, and then just go for it! Starting in the scariest point. After that, you’re just working towards your dreams. What do you really, really want to do? Go do that thing!

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When the Sun Rises.

October 26, 2015 Pamela Stephens

One Saturday morning I woke up before the sun came up. This is likely because I was in bed and sleeping by 9:30 the night before. Nonetheless, I was wide awake early in the morning hours, several hours before I needed to be up for the day. Since I knew I’d continue to lie there restlessly, I got up. I decided to seize this opportunity for a bit of “me” time. I’d do things I don’t always have the time to do and enjoy the quiet silence for a while. As always in this scenario, the time passed much more quickly than I’d have liked. I didn’t have time to do even a fraction of the things I’d considered doing. Before I knew it, the extra hours had passed and it was time to get on with my day.

I sat there thinking for a bit, dreading the rising of the sun. You see, when the sun rises and the rest of the world is awakened, I have responsibilities. It is then that I have to start behaving like a regular person. I must work and provide things for people. I must answer my cell phone and check emails. I must fix my hair and apply makeup. Things are so simple and easy before the sun rises. I can sit quietly and sip coffee intentionally. I can stay in the comfort of my favorite, fuzzy pajamas. No one needs me. No one notices whether I’m asleep or awake.

Regardless of my longing for it to stay quiet and dark a little longer, the sun rises anyway, as it does everyday. The fact of the matter is, the sun is going to continually rise and set each day, even if I’m not ready for it to. Even if I’d like a few more hours of darkness, the sun will still rise. Even if I need a few more hours of light in which to accomplish things, the sun will still set. It’s out of my control, you see, as are so many other things.

This past weekend, I spent many hours on the couch with a migraine, listening to the rain fall. Even after the headache eased, I continued to sit still. I didn’t feel the need to rush about, tidying this or that. I didn’t feel compelled to leave the house for groceries or other errands that plague the everyday. I have known for quite some time that these rainy days rejuvenate my soul. Things are quieter and more relaxed. I have a excuse to not leave the house and I often rest more as the rain falls. On Sunday, our house was quiet most of the day, with only the sounds of rainfall and the occasional passing car, splashing through puddles as they zoomed by. Days like this remind me of those early morning hours where I’m seemingly the only one awake. I equate the rain with those dark, morning hours, both of which I’m reluctant to see vanish. Nonetheless, I know that the rain must ease eventually and that the sun must rise and set, regardless of my desires for them.

It’s in these dark, quiet hours though, that I unwind and explore my own thoughts. Most of the time, like this day, I can’t hardly put them into words. I feel inspired and full of thoughts, yet none of them can be deciphered enough to create an intelligent thought. The common denominator is though, that I’m always searching for peace. Most of these thoughts center around creating peace in my relationships, peace in my daily life, peace in my career, and peace within my home. As I let my mind fully wander, I almost always go towards an area where I’m striving to feel centered and at peace. And as the sun rises, I feel my control over that peace slowly slip away. Soon, the phone will ring. Soon, I’ll hear cars speeding by. Soon, I’ll begin to feel guilt over not having yet checked my email. Life’s responsibilities lie in the sunshine. As my home brightens with the rising sun, I know that I must go back to the grand performance that is my life. Act One begins just as the curtain of darkness rises, and the show must go on.

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On Getting Back Up.

October 19, 2015 Pamela Stephens

Over the course of the last couple of days, I’ve been told that my face was too long, my natural hair color looked better, and that my biological clock is ticking so I’ll probably miss my opportunity to have children. I was also told that one photo that I shared on social media was good while another was “not good of me at all.” Granted, people are often way too giving of information that we don’t necessarily want. However, it’s seems to have been running rampant lately in My Neck of the Woods. I could spend a bit addressing each one of these negative, hurtful comments (and giving you more examples) and discuss why they’re each terrible and add up to create a bit of an insecure monster inside of me. However, that’s not the purpose I have in mind here. Instead, I wanted to talk a bit about pushing through things like this.

If we had a few years and an unlimited supply of Kleenex, I could probably list out practically every mean thing that’s ever been said to me. High school would provide its own chapter in this story, and most of these mean-spirited things will be forever burned into my mind. It’s very likely that you could make a similar list too. For many years, I’ve wondered why people say hurtful things. I’ve wondered why I let them upset me. I’ve often dreamed of a world where everyone only has nice, uplifting things to say and where we all live by that golden rule that says, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” What a joy it would be to live in a world like that! Instead, I feel like I’m constantly seeing instances where people both unintentionally and intentionally say hurtful things. This plays out among peers, in families, and on social media daily. Sometimes, I get so frustrated that I want to yell and cry (and I sometimes do both) and I exclaim generalities like, “people are awful and terrible and I hate them.” I group all people into one nasty category because it seems like I’m often taken back by the nastiness that comes out of their mouths. The most unfortunate of these scenarios is the one in which people close to you repetitively say hurtful things.

That’s not fair of me though. I shouldn’t group everyone together. I shouldn’t generalize. If I were being honest, I also shouldn’t keep this mental list of people who’ve said hurtful things to me. Yet, I do. For example, someone close to me once said that I “needed to get a life” if I had time to blog. I’ll never forget it. I do my best to not dwell on it or harbor resentment, yet I think about that statement every time I hit publish here.

The hardest part about events like these isn’t even the hurt feelings. Unfortunately, I never really forget what’s said or done, and it does add a bit of extra insecurity to my emotional wardrobe. However, I think the worst part is having to muster the courage to keep going. The hardest part is disregarding the negativity and continuing to write blog posts. It’s continuing to share that photo of myself, even though I can quickly identify the flaws that others have pointed out to me. It’s the struggle to be excited about my new car, when people close to me make comments about how I must want to “keep up with the Jones.”

You see, life is full to the brim of hurt and disappointment. It takes on a lot of different forms, and we all experience it. As I started reading a book given to me by my lovely assistant, I realized this very thing might be my struggle. The thing I need to work on right now might be perseverance. I may not be as afraid of falling, as I am of getting back up. You see, continuing to do something that someone has criticized, even subtly, is very hard for me. My first instinct when my feelings are hurt is to abandon the thing or person in question. Don’t like my Facebook photo? Ok, I’ll never post on Facebook again. Think blogging is lame? Ok, I’ll make it a private blog and only invite in those that won’t hurt me with their comments. It’s pushing through that fear of continuing that’s immensely frightening for me. It’s getting back up when I’ve been knocked down by those around me. It’s certainly easier to just stay down. It’s a lot less scary to just fly under the radar. Sometimes I think that I should just live small and not go after big dreams, so that I’m not a target of criticism. It’s sad that the thought crosses my mind more than it should.

Unfortunately, I won’t wrap up this post with a list of tips for avoiding this sort of thing. I won’t concede with a story of how I figured it out and how you can too. Instead, I know that I’ll continue to struggle in this area. I’ll continue to want to stay down when my feelings are hurt. I’ll continue to want to mark people off the list when they hurt me. I’ll probably always wear my feelings on my sleeve. However, the moral is that we must continue to get back up, even when we’re hurt and afraid. We have to continue to live our lives as boldly as we can dream of. For me, it usually won’t be evident to the average acquaintance. Most likely, the exterior will appear thick and impenetrable. I’ll appear strong and resilient. On the inside though, I’m probably making a mental list of the stones being thrown at me. It’s a list that I’ll keep forever and review over and over again in my head, all too often dwelling on the damage they’ve caused. Some leave lifelong scars. Others are more temporary bruises. Either way, I must get back up again and continue the fight.

“The truth is falling hurts. The dare is to keep bring brave and feel your way back up.” Brene Brown

(Similar thoughts here if you’re interested.)

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Joyce’s Journey: Knee Replacement + Cancer Update

October 12, 2015 Pamela Stephens

We’ve had a few developments in Joyce’s Journey lately, so I thought I’d share a quick update. Over the summer, Mom had a full knee replacement on her left knee. The surgery was done in July and within no time she was doing way better than average. The physical therapists were very impressed with how quickly she was able to really use the knee and released her from therapy earlier than usual. We had a follow up with the doctor a week ago, and he insisted that her x-rays could be used in a text book, showing exactly how the process is intended to go. She is using the knee wonderfully!

We also switched her cancer care to Louisiana Oncology this month. (This is the clinic where Matthew works and it’s much more convenient for Mom.) She was very pleased with the new doctor, Dr. Gallagher, and is excited to feel at home in the new clinic. It’s been right at two years since her cancer diagnosis and one year and six months since the surgery. Her blood work came back wonderfully this week and the doctor said he sees nothing of concern right now in terms of recurrent cancer. Of course, we’ll always have to monitor things closely. However, her tumor marker was a glorious 2.5 this month. (It was 4.5 in May and anything under 5 is considered “normal.”) Seeing how far the tumor marker has dropped was a reason to celebrate in itself!

As of right now, Mom’s biggest obstacle to overcome is her back pain. We’ve recently discovered that the pain stems from scoliosis, arthritis in her back, and probably osteoporosis. There’s not really much that can be done about the condition of her back. However, we’re hoping to find some ways to manage the pain within the next few weeks.

All in all, things are looking wonderful! It’s quite amazing to think about everything that’s happened in just two short years, and I’m happy that we’re mainly fighting your average battles these days, not those hefty ones. If you’re new to Mom’s story, you can click the “Joyce’s Journey” tag below to follow a bit of the story. Thank you to everyone who has followed along and continually sent prayers and thoughts our way. It’s been most encouraging and my entire family appreciates your support!

This photo was taken as she zoomed through Wal-Mart shortly after the knee surgery. Hide your babies.

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Clutter + the KonMari Method

October 8, 2015 Pamela Stephens

My quest to reduce clutter began when Matthew and I married in 2012. We had both lived on our own for quite some time, so in essence we were combining two full households. There were basically two of everything and to fit in our quaint rent house, we had to pare down. In addition to having doubles of things, it was also evident that Matthew had way less stuff than what I’d accumulated and that made me feel a little self conscious.

You see, I had an addiction to keeping everything. After doing a bit of self-exploration, I realized that most of this tendency came from a fear of not having what I needed. I was afraid that if I got rid of something and needed it later, I wouldn’t have the money or ability to replace it. I’ve also experienced my fair share of losing loved ones. This caused me to have boxes and boxes of sentimental items that I simply must keep because they originally belonged to someone that I loved. The reality is, most of these things were just given to me, not things that I actually chose for a reason. Shortly after Matthew and I were married, I purged so many things. We had an epic garage sale and the result made me feel pretty good about myself and our home.

My second voyage towards a clutter-free home came when we bought the new house. Even though I’d purged quite a bit from the rent house, there was still so much extra. When we moved, I was determined to not fill this new house with extras. The tall ceilings and ample windows made me really want an open, airy, and tidy home. We had another garage sale and donated so many things. I considered it great progress.

After these two large purges (and several small ones), things were looking up. There wasn’t nearly as much stuff, yet there was still more than we needed or used. Then, I picked up Marie Kondo’s book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. Honestly, I did this primarily out of curiosity. The internet acted like this book was indeed life-changing and I read about it everywhere I turned. I figured that I’d read the book, maybe pick up a few new tricks, and then go on about my life. Instead, reading this book prompted one of the biggest purges of my entire life and has completely changed how I look at things in my home.

First, I immediately tackled my closet. Even though I’d thinned quite a bit in the other purges, I was still hanging on to so much extra clothing. My approach was to either hold on to it because “I might wear it again” or because “I’d not gotten my money’s worth out of it.” Therefore, even though I’d thinned and thinned, I still had a closet full of things I didn’t love or feel fantastic in. I had mentioned some tips for cleaning out your closet before, yet I still had so much extra that I “might wear under something one day.”

After just a few chapters of this book, I was filling garbage bag after garbage bag of items. It was like something clicked and finally gave me permission to get rid of those things I didn’t really want to keep anyway. Kondo’s approach is to take every single item that you own into your hand and ask yourself if it brings you joy. If it does not, then it’s just taking up space and it’s time to get rid of it. This approach alone was responsible for me purging over five large bags of clothing and shoes and 200+ writing utensils.

Not only has Kondo’s book helped me to make serious headway in a curated home, it’s also changed my approach to shopping. I no longer by things that I just barely like because it’s on sale or a good price. Instead, sometimes I pay a little bit more for things that I love. Overall, I’m spending less money and not bringing as many extra things into my home. Because of this book, I have a new outlook on how easy it is to have a clutter-free home full of only things that you love. If you’re even slightly concerned about having a home that you’re proud of, I recommend the book. It’s a no-nonsense approach to tidiness and you’re guaranteed to find at least a bit of insight as you read along.

Another way that I’ve been able to create a much more tidy home is by actually using my sentimental items. Rather than continuing to store box after box full of miscellaneous sentimental items, I got rid of the things that meant nothing to me and am now actually using the others. (There are still a few boxes of these items in the attic that I’m prepared to cull.) I read somewhere that our grandmothers would much rather us actually use their old wedding China than have it stored in a box in the attic where we never even see it. The risk of breaking a plate is worth it for the years of memories we’ll create using those plates and thinking of our grandmothers. Those family quilts should be draped across our couches and used for family movie nights instead of stuffed away in clear containers in the closet. You should wear your mother’s pearls instead of just seeing them in the jewelry box occasionally. I wish I could find the link to that post to share with you, because reading this made me realize that I was just storing things instead of using them. Even if a quilt becomes more tattered or a plate gets broken, I’d still rather have the memories with those items rather than my home being a storage unit for things we don’t touch. Beginning to use my sentimental items alone has contributed to less cluttered storage space, and using those items brings me joy now rather than the sadness I used to feel when opening a box and being flooded with forgotten memories.

There are a million and one strategies that you can use to reduce the clutter in your home and we can all have different approaches. Whatever method you use, I know that you’ll feel like a new person as you reduce the clutter because I certainly have. I found that by having less things stuffed in my home, I get to actually live rather than spending all of my time working on my things. There’s less to put away. We don’t need as big of a house. I don’t have to spend entire weekends trying to get things back in order. And most importantly for me, I don’t loathe putting away my laundry as much as I once did. Instead, I can tidy quickly and easily and the rest of my time can be spent exploring new hobbies or spending time with family and friends. There are still some areas and closets that I hope to tackle. However, the progress I’ve already made feels amazing.

Keep in mind that I’ve been working towards this goal for three years now, so don’t feel like you have to tackle everything in one weekend. Instead, start in one little area and do a bit as you can. And be sure to read the book. It very well could change your life.

*The earrings pictured above belonged to my great aunt and I wear them often.*

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I Need A Hobby

September 28, 2015 Pamela Stephens

I read a post about having a hobby while coming back from a quick trip to Baton Rouge. (I wasn’t driving obviously.) It struck a bit of a cord with me and also explained a bit about how I’ve been working to redesign my life lately. It put some things into perspective and gave me the permission I needed to do some things differently.

The post talked about how necessary it is for everyone to have a hobby. I’m sure most people would agree with that without really thinking much about it. The post took it a bit further though. A hobby should be something we do just for fun, relaxation, or personal enjoyment. It shouldn’t be a side job or anything that’s done to enhance a resume, make more money, or accomplish any larger purpose. Talk about perspective. You see, I feel like I have to have a reason for everything. I feel like every minute of my day must be used in a way that accomplishes some goal. I often even feel guilty about having downtime. I should be working towards something.

After reading this post, I decided to cut myself some slack on that. This blog currently falls into the hobby category. I started it as a hobby and an excuse to write and if I’m not careful, it could easily turn into something much different. Right now I’m still writing and sharing posts based on what I want to write about and share with readers. However, I can so very easily switch to creating content that’s more pinnable and shareable. I can so easily feel tempted to write things for the sole purpose of adding numbers to my analytics. If I’m not careful, this blog could very easily switch from being a hobby/outlet for me to another business venture. Over the last few months I’ve felt guilty about not wanting this space to grow exponentially and be the biggest and baddest blog of all time. I’ve felt like I’m selling myself short for not carefully selecting my content and only sharing magazine-worthy photos. I’ve felt like I had to want to make this blog a business (or at least a funnel to my other businesses) and it’s just now that I realized that I don’t have to do that and I certainly don’t have to feel guilty about it. My Neck of the Woods can continue to be just a hobby for me and that is 100% ok.

I can also play tennis. At times since starting this tennis journey, I’ve felt insanely guilty about the time it occupies. There are times that I play or take lessons early in the morning, making my work day start a tad later than usual. I’ve felt guilty for that. Some days I schedule other activities around tennis and I’ve felt guilty for that too. Matthew and I have adjusted our evening routine a bit to play together in the evenings, and I’ve felt uncertain about changing our schedule around. After reading this post, I realize that the reason I’ve felt so uncertain (and slightly secretive) about this tennis adventure is because it’s not accomplishing anything. I’m not doing it with a big goal in mind or a plan of action. However, I love to learn new things, really enjoy the game of tennis, and absolutely want an active lifestyle. Tennis is purely a hobby for me and I deserve that.

My husband is one that attempts (and often abandons shortly after) many different hobbies. When he becomes interested in something, he tries it. He does this with no agenda in mind. He attempts something new and once he feels he’s explored it enough, he moves on to something else. While the details of this approach on hobbies are one of the main things that drive me crazy about him, I’m also a bit jealous of his approach. He tries new things regularly and simultaneously abandons them when he’s no longer interested. As we’ve talked about his hobbies numerous times, he’s mentioned that I should try a hobby. I thought that I had plenty of hobbies. However, I’m realizing that most of the items I considered a “hobby,” actually had some sort of hidden agenda or intention.

Since stumbling upon this post, I’ve given myself the freedom to do things without a greater purpose in mind. Not all of my activities have to propel me towards a greater goal, and I can benefit greatly from giving myself a bit more freedom. Tennis is a current hobby and so is this blog. I can and will continue to do these things just because. I don’t have to justify them to myself or to others. If you don’t have a true hobby, I encourage you to think about what sorts of things you’re interested in. Find something to do that’s not done to make money or accomplish any sort of goal. Spend some time doing something you’re interested in, just because you want to. I deserve it and so do you.

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elisejoy.com

September 11, 2015 Pamela Stephens

As I approach my 3 year blogging anniversary (!!), I’ve been thinking a bit about how I got started. Today, I’d like to introduce you to one of my favorite online spaces. After all, if you like reading my posts, you’ll most likely enjoy reading the posts that I like to read too. Plus, I think we should celebrate the work of others and support one another whenever we can.

I decided to finally share one of my favorites after reading a post by Elise on San Diego. Even though I’m not planning a trip to San Diego just yet, this post opened my eyes to why I love this blog so much. The post was full of details, yet short, sweet, and to the point. (Go to these places because I think they’re cool. Eat the mashed potatoes.) Music to my ears! Much like Elise, I can write for days on things that I’m passionate about. However, I generally prefer things to be to the point. And funny. This is the foundation of why I read her blog.

Want more details on why I love this blog? Here are a few reasons, if you insist.

She tells it like it is. I’ve never felt like any of Elise’s posts were sugarcoated or fictitiously positive. If she screwed something up, she tells you. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of reading something real.
It’s funny. I like funny people, and I like to be funny. At the sake of sounding like a total fan girl, I think Elise and I could be BFF. We have such a similar sense of humor, and reading her witty posts makes my day. Tongue-in-cheek and slightly cheesy humor, it’s what my dreams are made of. Plus, Parks and Rec mentions. What more do you need??
We have a similar writing style and interests. Lots of details sprinkled with one-liners and funny stories = A+.
It’s real life. Working, being a mom and a wife, and dreaming big. There are so many of her posts that I can relate to, and the insight into her daily life makes me feel like we’re real friends. This is a goal of mine for my own blog, and I thank Elise for being such a great model to follow. She shares real life stories, but not in that awkward, over-sharing type way. This is a goal that I have for my own space…to share real-life struggles while still maintaining a positive atmosphere.

This is one of the blogs that I never miss a post from. I look forward to reading each and every post and really relate to most. Her posts on goal setting, blogging, and business always leave me wanting more. I was even captivated by her letters to sweet Ellerie, even though I’m not a mom. I loved the real, and sometimes heart-wrenching, look into what it looks like to be a new mom. I hope to do something similar with my children someday. I even look forward to her weekend links, as strange as that sounds. (Most of the link posts you see are full of useless fluff.) I tweeted once that these posts are my main source of current event info, and I’m not even joking about that.

In addition to being one of my favorite reads, I give full credit to Elise for giving me the boost I needed to start my own lifestyle blog. I had been following along with several blogs for a bit, and I knew that I wanted to write. I just couldn’t decide what type of blog I wanted. I didn’t want it to be all DIY projects. Even though I have a fashion background, I didn’t want to have a fashion-centered blog. I’m not a mom, so mommy blogging was out. I certainly didn’t want a food blog. I couldn’t commit to any of the typical blog focuses, so I kept putting off writing that first post. Then, I stumbled upon Elise’s blog.

Elise was my first introduction into the world of lifestyle blogging. Shortly after finding her site (and binge-reading years of posts in one sitting!), I knew that a lifestyle blog was the route for me. I wanted to tell stories, but not just any story. I wanted to tell my story. This means that my blog could be about all sorts of things! It could be about whatever was going on in my life, which felt so immensely right. Here I am, just shy of 3 years later, still learning about what I want this place to be like and still developing my style and skills as a blogger. I credit Elise for the encouragement and inspiration to take this leap into internet land. Thank you for that, Elise! I’d likely still be lurking the internet and dreaming of having my own forum if I hadn’t found Elise’s blog.

Go check out elisejoy.com. If you like my online space, I can guarantee that you’ll like hers! Do you have any suggestions for other blogs I should follow? Sipping a cup and coffee and reading well-written blog posts is one of my favorite activities. I’d love to hear your suggestions!

*Photo from “September: Currently.” by Elise.

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Learning to Wait

August 13, 2015 Pamela Stephens

There have been a few situations in the past where I’ve waited what would seem like “too late” to start something. There have been deadlines approaching that I’ve been aware of and rather than marching full speed towards them, I’ve waited. On the outside, it looks somewhat like procrastination. However, I’ve recently decided that it’s more like patience.

With practically everything I do in life, I need for it to feel right. Over 90% of the time I operate on my gut feeling. It’s how I opened my first business at 23. In a depression. It didn’t make any sense on paper, yet it felt right. My gut feeling is the same thing I used when getting married in 12 days, selling that first business, and opening another. To the outside world, none of those made much sense. However, my gut said go for it, and I did. I’ve used the same approach for many big and small decisions over the years and it’s working for me. That’s not to say that I have always made the right decisions…that’s a different post entirely.

At first, I myself thought it was procrastination, followed by a bit of luck when things worked out. It seemed like I’d put things off until the last minute and then somehow it would magically come together. I’d feel lucky or that I squeezed right by the doors of doom. Recently though, I started seeing this tendency of mine in a new light. I realized that things did usually come together, even if it happened on a different timeline than I originally deemed appropriate. I learned that I shouldn’t force things to happen, just to make progress early on. Instead, if I’d practice a bit of patience, things would likely still come together in the end. Rather than force myself to do something, I should just have a little bit of faith and wait until it felt right.

I have two recent examples for you. First, I’ve been toying around with the idea of a new business. If I were going to run with this idea as originally planned, I would need to travel out of town during the month of August. I was forcing myself to make a decision and get things in order, so that I would meet this self-imposed deadline. It just didn’t feel quite right though, so I hadn’t bought that plane ticket. It seemed like I needed to, yet something was holding me back. As I waited just a bit longer, things started coming together, although they’re shaping up a bit differently than I originally thought. I didn’t need to “get it together and make a decision” as I had been telling myself. I just needed to wait.

Similarly, I’ve known that I’d need to hire a new assistant since June. My current assistant would be moving in August, and I had a few months to find someone new. I had plans to attend a few trainings, etc. before I started the interviewing process and those didn’t work out like I had planned. I was also considering revamping the position a bit and morphing it into something that would enable my real estate business to grow. Weeks started passing. I went to Alaska. My trainings didn’t work out as planned, and I hadn’t made those decisions on what the position would look like in the future. More weeks passed. I’d sit down to write an email or Facebook post about the fact that I was hiring, and the words just wouldn’t come. No words?? I never have a problem with words! Somehow though, I couldn’t draft a “now hiring” post or a job description to save my life.

Now it’s August, just a few short weeks before I’d be left assistant-less. I felt like I had procrastinated again. I’d waited too long to start looking. Finally though, I started thinking of it differently. I realized that in the past I’ve thought I was procrastinating, and then things fall together at the right time. I realized that I had much more success with waiting until things felt “right” than I did with forcing things along. I even had that conversation with my husband. I said that I didn’t know what this position would look like and that I didn’t have any strong leads. Even though time was seemingly running out, I just needed to wait.

On August 6, just 14 days before my current assistant would be leaving, I received a call that there was a young lady interested in the job. I knew this girl from previous encounters and had always been very impressed with her. As soon as I learned that she was interested, I was immediately excited. We breezed through the interview/hiring process over the next couple of days and by August 10 I had hired a new almost-full-time assistant. I’m thrilled with my decision and I can’t wait to see how my business grows. I’m also looking forward to the opportunity to build and new relationship and I have a distinct feeling that I’m going to learn a lot from her loving, positive attitude.

I’ll spare you the rest of the details for now, as they’re not the true reason for this post. My ultimate point here is that sometimes you just have to wait. If something isn’t feeling right, it might not be the right timing. Rather that force a new idea or plan into action, sometimes you must practice a little patience. I certainly do not mean make a habit of procrastination. (If you find yourself procrastinating often, I talk about that here.) Instead, I’m talking about those times where things feel forced…those times when the right move or decision isn’t clearly obvious. If you’re a person who operates primarily on instinct as I do, you may need to just step back and wait for a bit. To the naked eye, it likely seemed that I was avoiding the search for a new assistant. On the contrary, I finally identified that I shouldn’t force it and the right person for the job was just around the corner. If anything, I’m learning to be patient and to follow my intuition.

I feel like I’ve learned another important detail about myself this month. Identifying these tendencies has taught me how to give myself a bit a grace. I’m learning more about how my own mind and body operates every single day. With this new quality identified, I feel even more in charge of my life. Learning this, coupled with the promise of a very large and very positive change in my business, has given me a new dose of inspiration. I’m feeling recharged and motivated, and I’m more than excited to see what the next several months hold. Here’s to big discoveries and bright futures!

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This week.

July 31, 2015 Pamela Stephens

I didn’t have a blog post go live yesterday or today. My usual post schedule is Mondays and Thursdays. The goal is always to have a post go live twice a week on those days. This week we have posts on Monday and Tuesday because it was my frieniversay and my wedding anniversary. I still intended to have yesterday’s post go live though. However, it didn’t.

This week has been a bit wild. Yesterday, I spent 5 hours with one client and 3 with another, all while negotiating other contracts and navigating my other job responsibilities. I didn’t actually get home/eat dinner/see my husband/sit down until almost 9:00 pm. While that’s not my usual schedule (thankfully), it sometimes happens. When I look back over this week as a whole, I feel a bit dizzy and amazed that I somehow did it all. That’s actually been the case for me the entire month of July, which explains why I feel so tired.

Some would say, “Pamela, don’t worry about the fact that a blog post didn’t get done. It’s not a big deal.” And they’d be right. I’m certainly not worried about it. However, it is important to me. Posting twice a week here isn’t one of those self-inflicted, nonsensical goals that I dread. Instead, it’s something I want to do. It’s my release and my hobby of sorts. When it doesn’t happen, it’s likely because I let life’s other obligations get in the way…not because I didn’t want to.

So here we are on Friday. Looking back over the week, I did so much. Looking forward to the weekend, I’ll continue to do so much. Today though, I’m thankful for the 20 minutes of quiet time I had this morning. I sipped my coffee with wet hair and read 5 or 6 blog posts that I’ve missed lately. I left my phone on do not disturb for a little longer and pretended that I hadn’t already gotten 100 emails. I sat and I sipped, quietly and in peace. Today, I’m immensely thankful for those twenty minutes. I also understand that life is an ebb and flow situation; right now things are a bit cramped and busy. Soon enough, it’ll slow back down.

Today, I’m also thankful for help. Matthew and I made some room in our budget to get some help around the house and today someone will be coming to clean my floors, etc. I am SO thankful for this luxury. If I had to leave home today thinking about floors and bathrooms that needed to be cleaned, I think I’d crumble. Instead, I can leave and focus on other things because I have help today. It’s a fantastic feeling, and I’m immensely grateful for that.

Finally, I’m thankful for a bit of family time that I’ll get to enjoy this weekend. My sweet niece will be spending the weekend with us and I’m looking forward to adventures with her.

If you’re feeling a bit stretched thin and under pressure right now, I’m with you. Just remember, though, everything is for a limited time only. It’ll soon pass, and you’ll be able to breathe a bit easier. It’s part of the ebb and flow, and we’ll both be in a different place soon.

I wish you the happiest weekend of all! See you back here on Monday.

(P.S. The above photos is one of the beauties my husband took in Alaska. Details from that amazing trip are coming soon!)

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