The first item I bought for this baby was a pair of gray velcro sneakers. The tag read 3-6 months and they had been discarded near the checkout at a discount store. They were a mere $5.99 so it didn’t take much to convince me.
When making this first baby purchase, I didn’t browse multiple aisles. I didn’t look at all the tiny onesies, pondering which was the best look for our little guy. I saw some shoes discarded by someone at checkout and I bought them.
This turning point in my journey to motherhood came on the anniversary of my dad’s death. I popped into the store in search of a shower curtain for a flip house and just saw them sitting there. It was the same day that we announced our boy’s name on social media and ended up being the same day that I navigated some hard stuff with the big kids.
Part of me thinks I bought those shoes to take some pressure off myself. Starting to buy things felt like a big deal and truthfully, I wasn’t ready for that. I had only just recently browsed an aisle of baby clothes.
I remember someone saying that they open new notebooks and new planners and just scribble something on the first page. It takes the pressure off of “getting it right” when you first go to do something new. I remember feeling that on a personal level because those first words in a new journal or planner always felt so heavy. They carried so much pressure.
I think this experience was like me scribbling on a first page. I bought something for the baby and now the next things aren’t such a big deal.
It seems this strategy can be applied to a lot of life. Sometimes new firsts can be big and scary. Taking that first step can be intimidating. There can be so much pressure, whether that’s to get it right or to feel a certain way about a new path. It seems that scribbling on the first page, or in my case buying a pair of baby shoes, can take some of the pressure off.
Even though I’ve longed to be a mom for many years, welcoming this change in life hasn’t been easy so far. I attribute some of that difficulty to that fact that I was so sick for so long in the beginning. I think some of it is because there’s hard stuff going on in other corners of my world. Maybe it’s because there’s nowhere to even put baby stuff inside our current house. I can only hope that the new house is ready before this baby arrives, though I think it’s unlikely.
No matter the reason, I’ve struggled to feel how I thought I should feel as this baby grows inside of me. I’ve not browsed the aisles at Target or dreamed up nursery designs. I’ve not started writing in the perfect baby journal I bought and I don’t yet have a drawer full of cute little outfits. But, I did buy some shoes.
In this case, the $6 shoes were a jumping off point. It was a chance to take a step in the direction I wanted to go. It was a necessary first step that makes the next steps not carry as much meaning. Maybe you just need to take a first step.
Maybe you, like me, have a task that feels daunting on the horizon. Maybe you can’t clearly see the path forward or maybe you’re afraid of making a mistake. Sometimes, we just need to do a small thing that nudges us forward. Maybe, like me, you just need to scribble in the notebook or buy the baby shoes.
