It’s a new season today. While the weather and the view out my big picture window doesn’t really say it’s fall, the calendar does.

Personally, I can’t imagine a more perfect transition into a new season than what I’ve experienced today. I started my morning under a cozy blanket on the couch, sipping a cup of hot coffee and reading a good meditation from an old book that I just recently pulled back down from the shelf.

After sitting for a little longer than I’ve had the chance to lately, I went for a walk at the park and listened to more of my current book, The Next Right Thing, which I’ll be finishing soon. I walked a little extra today because time permitted and I sat my guilt of being at the park at 9:00 am on a Monday morning to the side. One would find it perfectly rational that a self-employed person who regularly works nights and weekends and never gets a break from her phone, could take a Monday morning to herself and yet any time I do something of the sort, I am plagued with guilt. I almost didn’t go this morning because I felt I should be working, even though I’d caught up on emails and lined out several things for the day already. Boy, I am glad I did it anyway.

Aside from the persistent guIlt, this was a perfect start to my day, my week, and this new season. It was so perfect, in fact, that it really made me think about what I want this next season of the year — and of my life — to look like. As I got ready for the rest of my day, I thought about how lovely this first morning of fall was and I wondered if it coming on the first day of a new season could be a sign for how this next season might play out. At a minimum, it opened my eyes to possibility. I felt inspired and encouraged and so, so hopeful. “Please give me more mornings like this,” I pleaded in my mind.

Then I had a harsh realization that wasn’t a new discovery. Instead, it was more like I finally admitted something obvious to myself. Something I’ve known all along. I realized that I am in charge of how all of my mornings transpire. I am in charge of my schedule. It is me that is solely responsible for reserving time for myself and for things that are important to me. It’s my fault that things haven’t gone my way lately. It’s my fault for how unsettled/unhappy I’ve felt.

When I look back on the last several months, I would describe them as being full of anxiety and grief. I’ve cried more and felt more frustrated and hopeless in the last several months than I have in a long time. As I’ve worked to fight my way out of this mentality, I’ve struggled to identify what has actually been causing me to feel this way. I haven’t been able to put a finger on it. Today, I’m wondering if I just needed to embark upon a new season.

Yes, this is a new season per the calendar, where the leaves will change and temperatures will eventually drop. More importantly though, I think it’s time for a new season for me as a person. It’s time for a season where I put my physical and mental wellbeing before my work. It’s time for me to create a space around me that I love and that makes me feel settled and content. It’s time for me to reserve time for writing and walking and painting and reading — for things that fill me up and bring me joy. It’s time for a season of pursuing the part of my calling that lies outside of my career and taking care of other people. It’s time for me to love and honor myself too. It’s hard to admit that even though I know better, I’ve lived my entire life working to please other people, never myself.

I sit in my wonderfully clean house with the sunshine seeping through that big window, and I make a promise to myself. (I pay someone to help with this in case you’re starting to beat yourself up about your dirty floors.) I make a promise that during this next season, I will search for and do things that bring me joy. I will check in with myself before I commit to things out of duty or obligation. I decide to let the guilt and the anxiety fall off of me the way the leaves will fall from the trees. I decide to settle in to who I am and who I want to be, like the coolness will eventually settle into our mornings and evenings. I vow to choose my well being and my happiness over practically everything else right now. Just for a season. Just to see who I become after it all.

I wonder in the stillness of this first fall day — what would my world be like if I shed the guilt and the worry for just one season? How much stronger and more settled will I feel? What would it be like to create more mornings that feel just like this one? I don’t know the answers and yet, I aim to find out.

Do you need to create a season where you take better care of yourself too? Do you need to join me in searching more intently for things that bring you joy? Do you need to, like me, sit duty and obligation and guilt to the side for just a little bit? Just to see what might be possible without it. Often times, we wait until the start of a new year to make radical change or to “get our shit together.” Why wait, though? I’m proposing a new idea today. Let’s use this changing of the seasons as a catalyst for change in our lives, our mentality, and our environments. I know that it’s time for me to make change. I’ve tried practically everything else already. Maybe it’s time for you too. Time to choose yourself. Time to search for big and small things that bring you joy. Time to let the heaviness of guilt and extra responsibility fall away with the leaves. I can’t guarantee it’ll work. I can guarantee, though, that my day and my week are going to go a lot more smoothly because I chose myself for just a few hours today. That in itself is so very worth it.

Here’s to new seasons. Here’s to changing things in the middle of the year and to starting new devotionals on a random day in September, instead of waiting until the 1st. Here’s to carving out an hour for ourselves or even just 10 minutes. Here’s to decorating with pumpkins because they make us happy (or not because they don’t). Whatever you decide to do with this new season, I hope and trust that it’ll bring you immense joy. You more than deserve it.